Support Unseen

I don't share this story often. For a long time I suppressed the darkest part of it because it was just too painful for me to remember. I share it now because I feel called to let others know support is always out there for all of us. I don't share this story as an endorsement of Christianity. Your spiritual path is your own and not for me to dictate. Just know help is always there, even when you least expect it.

I've experienced a lot of depression in my life, but never more than when my first husband left me. Looking back, I know it was a very unhealthy relationship for me, but at the time my identity was so enmeshed in his the break was devastating. I remember exactly how the split occurred. I was sitting in my parent's living room in Georgia, and he told me he no longer wanted to be married.

My pain was so great I didn't want to be a part of this world anymore. I wanted to end it all, and my mind went to the quickest way in which to do it. I knew my husband, who was a cop, had brought a gun with him in his suitcase. The TV was on and the kids were playing. After sitting there and letting the words sink in, I quietly got up, walked to the bedroom where his stuff was, and locked the door. I went to his suitcase and pulled out the gun, unlocking the safety. I sat down with my back against the door with the loaded gun in my hands, wondering what it would feel like when I died. It didn't take my husband long to realize where I was or what I was doing. He began pounding on the door, telling me how important it was that I be there for our children, my parents. Somehow, his words got through my devastation. I unlocked the door. He quickly took the gun. I didn't think about the incident for years. It was just too painful.

Fast forward fourteen years and a second marriage later. I had purchased the book The Healing Codes, by Alex Loyd and was working through the process it describes in order to heal old emotional wounds. As I worked on my issues, this scene with my now ex-husband began to appear in the forefront of my mind. It did not come back all at once. It took several times working the Healing Codes process in order for me to fully remember because it was just that painful and traumatic. I believe that the process reduced the pain of the experience enough for me to be able to look at it instead of overlook it, which I had been doing for years.

Several days after this experience, I once again found myself in that bedroom of my parents' home. However, I was not sitting on the floor with my back to the door, as I had on previous visits. This time I was standing in the opposite corner of the room looking at myself sitting on the floor. I saw my personal angels/spirit guides in the room with me, not far away. (For more about my interactions with these personal helpers go to: http://www.adventureswithsaul.blogspot.com/ ) What amazed me most though, was who was standing right beside me--Jesus.

Growing up Christian, I had known Jesus my whole life and I felt I had a personal connection to him. I looked at myself sitting there, gun in hand, wanting to end it all. I never felt him. I never knew he was there, but there he was anyway. On the darkest day of my whole life, my friend Jesus had taken the time to stand with me, doing what he could to comfort me even though I was too far gone at the time to even notice.

The point is, there is always unseen help available, even if you can't see it or feel it or hear it. We are all given personal helpers who accompany us on our daily walk, and we even have access to those spiritual beings (like Jesus)  we are taught to treasure through our various upbringings when we need them. In our darkest hours, we are never alone. You can count on it.     

Divine Help

I just got done listening to a recording of my favorite online teleseminar series, Healing With the Masters led by Jennifer McLean (http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/). This particular interview was with Sonia Choquette, who is a gifted intuitive and an extremely funny and down-to-earth person. The topic of the interview was learning to listen to your guides (angels, voice of God, higher self, etc.), and it really helped me focus once again on actively seeking that Divine help for insight into everything I do--even the little things that often seem of no consequence.

As I listened to the interview, I would stop frequently to take notes but also to hone in to what my intuition was telling me to do in the present moment. I have been attempting to listen to my guidance in regards to this blog anyway because it seems to be working for me! (That is why I ended up doing the series on my cult experiences--I felt the whispers of God pulling me there.) Sonia talked a lot about angel intervention and how the angels are always there waiting to help you, wanting to help you. It took me back to a time in my own life where the angels were there for me and my daughter in a most surprising (and amusing) way.

My daughter, Afton, had been given a pink rag doll by her paternal grandmother shortly after her birth. She loved it from the very beginning and had to take it everywhere. For many years it was her security blanket. We all referred to it as "Pink Baby".

When Afton was around four or five, we drove from Georgia to Michigan to attend a family camp sponsored by my church. We had a wonderful, uplifting week after which we drove home. Somewhere around southern Ohio, we discovered Pink Baby was missing, and my daughter got quite upset. We were caravanning with friends and had elected to stay overnight at a hotel because we felt too tired to drive all the way back to Georgia. Once we settled in, I went back to the car and tore it up three different times, looking for Pink Baby. I searched it all--front seat, back seat, under seats, the trunk, etc. Pink Baby was nowhere to be found.

During my week at camp, I had felt the presence of heavenly beings and knew they were nearby. It may have seemed like a small thing, but Pink Baby was very important to my daughter. I said a prayer that, somehow, Pink Baby would be returned to us. Then I settled in for a very tearful night.

The next morning I got the kids and myself ready, packed up and headed out to begin putting our things back in the car. As I unlocked the car (which had been locked up all night), I happened to look in the back seat. There, lying right on top, was Pink Baby. Relief flooded my being as I realized her return could only have been due to my heavenly helpers. I said an extremely grateful prayer of thanks and finished packing everything up.

In the rush of our lives, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that our unseen helpers are there in the background keeping a watchful eye on us. The thing is, they were designed to help us by guiding us and making our paths a little smoother and easier. It is only when we take the time to look for and acknowledge our Divine help that it shows up in very powerful ways. Take the time to pay attention today! You may be surprised by the ease and grace with which your life begins to flow.