The Reinvention of Me

I've lived many lifetimes within this lifetime. The first part of my life was lived in what I will call total flow. As a small child, I always went with my gut and lived in the present moment. Every day was experienced to its fullest as I sought out each new element of my world. I also had great compassion for others who were feeling sad. I could sense the pain of others, and I would often try to help them feel better. It also turned me into the champion of the underdog when I saw people being mercilessly picked on. Everyone was my friend. The world was my oyster.

This all changed when I was twelve. I intercepted a note--meant for a friend--from a new girl. The note questioned why "Cindy has to be in charge of everything." I had never before realized that other people might not like where I was leading them! I had no desire to control others--no desire to force them to do things they didn't want to do. I became a listener, but I also began to hold myself back from many things I desired to do because of the needs of others. This was my second incarnation.

My third incarnation happened when I became "an adult" at age 18. I chose to go to college hundreds of miles away from where my folks lived. I was independent for the first time in my life, and it was scary. I knew all the rules and had been a good rule follower. Now it was time to go out into the "real world" and make something of myself. This was a time of shifting identities--of trying on new hats to see if they fit. Most of them seemed fleeting and vague. I became student, wife, counselor, mother, single mother, teacher and wife again. My identity was often tied to my particular role at the moment. Some of them were not particularly healthy, and I spent a good deal of time depressed as I searched for the identity that was really me. Elements of me were always there in each of them, but none of them seemed to fit my true calling. This third incarnation was perhaps the most precarious, because it was the time I tried to fit into what the world told me I was instead of what my heart told me I was. (This is often the root cause of depression!)

My fourth incarnation began at the ripe old age of forty-five (present day). It has only been within the past year I have come to appreciate the wealth of experiences I have had, both good and bad. In all the time my identity shifted, I was in "growth mode". I was not powerless, like I felt for a long time. I was merely learning. Now that I have recognized this, I am able to use this newfound knowledge of myself to become what I was meant to become. I know I have the strong ability to sense the feelings of others. I have always desired to heal the pain of others. I also have insights I believe others value and appreciate, as well as the ability to express these ideas well through the medium of words. Although I have not yet perfectly identified how I am to do all this professionally, I am confident I am on the right path. The exact doors will open at the right time.

We are all many people at many different times in our lives. This is the growth process, the life process. Whatever stage of life you are in, know there is always something precious to be gained. If you don't like your direction because it doesn't feel "right", you are always free to change it. There are no absolutes. There is only you and your growth and your own personal evolution. This is the secret to life. Be bold and go for it!   

The New Mentality

I had an interesting conversation with several Facebook friends who were discussing the planetary ascension process we seem to be going through at the present time--this time of increased problems but also increased understanding. So often in our day to day experience, it is easy to get discouraged about all that is taking place. We see people who ought to "get it" do stupid things which seem to undermine the planetary growth, setting us back hundreds of years (or so it feels).

I just don't see it that way. Sure, there are a great many ignorant people out there. Sure, the great majority of people in the world today are bent on controlling the lives of as many others as humanly possible. The thing is, there are also those of us who are realizing that fighting and control are futile--that the only ends which will come about by all the continuing conflict is our earthly demise. And there are more and more of us every day!

More and more often, another person is converted to the masses who believe struggle for control is not the answer (although if you're looking to see this in politics, forget about it!). The key to our survival lies not in standing up for our beliefs. It lies in allowing others to control their own destinies--to choose the lessons they came here to learn. It is only by allowing all that IS to occur without hindrance that we will be able to rise above the conflict and create a world based on ONE!

This Oneness of heart and of mind and of purpose is the new mentality! The very act of manipulation/control is the block which stands in the way of global peace and harmony! When another is raging for a fight, don't engage him! Love him! When another tells you that you've lost your mind and need to be stopped, love her back! Fighting won't stop the battle. It can, by its very nature, only increase it. Accept and go about with your purpose in life. They will learn their own lessons in their own time.

The impact of your acceptance will be much more powerful than you will ever know! The old saying "Actions speak louder than words" is true. When you are peace and love, others will understand and imitate. It is this mentality that will sway hearts. It is this new mentality that will change the world. 

The Art of Allowing

I've always thought of myself as a fairly talented person. I write a bit better than average, I possess a flair for teaching and presenting, and I've received my fair share of praise for the occasional solos I sing. I've also managed to single-handedly raise three children, two of whom are special needs, while working fulltime. These are all things I've wanted to do, yet I still find myself wanting to do more--especially now that I am looking at the reality of an empty nest in just a few short years. It's been a challenge for me to decide on what to do during the next phase of my life. I want so much to make a difference--to find my true calling.  I've struggled with this puzzle for the past several years and have only recently come to a very startling conclusion. My confusion over my next purpose stems directly from the fact I have talent I have not fully accepted or allowed, but which will be critical in this new phase.

From the time I was a small child, I have always been very sensitive to others. I know what to say when someone needs encouragement, and I understand how to cheer them up when they are down. In my younger days, I played the role of defender of the underdog when I saw another child being unfairly picked on. I do this because I can feel others' pain and will do everything in my power to help change it. There are even times when these feelings are so strong I know what people are thinking. I may not always say what I know, but not a lot gets past my notice. This gift has also gotten me into trouble at times.

While I understand I can do all this, my acceptance of it has been limited by my religious upbringing. In some circles, I would be called clairsentient or an empath. From my Christian background, I could only accept that I was occasionally "under the influence of the Holy Spirit". (Just to clarify something, I do believe psychic ability stems from the ability to connect with the Divine and that all people have the ability to connect.) Any other explanation was taboo. Consequently, the ability to feel things beyond myself was not a particularly desirable trait and it did not fit into my well-ordered, mainstream life.

I did try to address this in my earlier years. I got a degree in psychology thinking I would become a counselor to help people with their problems. Then I found my rewarding role as parent, which side-tracked me a bit. When I went to re-evaluate getting a counseling degree later, I realized I did not like traditional therapy because of its drawn out process and questionable results.

The past few months, I have worked on strengthening this talent by intentionally giving "readings" to friends and others who want some intuitive guidance. I have been somewhat startled on occasion by what I have picked up, and I have gotten some very positive feedback. This, coupled with some intuitive advice I have received from others who are sensitive, has made it clear I am to use this gift in the future to help others.

I'm still not certain exactly what I am supposed to do with it, nor am I certain it will be part of my professional career. I just know that it is important to my purpose and that accepting it as part of myself is key to its development and eventual use.

So yes, I'm psychic, clairsentient, empathic, Spirit-filled or whatever you want to call it. You can negate it, deny it or push it (or me) away, or you can accept it and allow it to help you on your journey. Whatever you decide is quite okay. You have your own journey, as I have mine. My job now is to embrace my gift so I can use it to complete my purpose. I will resist no longer. Once again, I am discovering how allowing all that is can clear the way for more blessings to flow.