Forgive Yourself!

Having grown up in a very religious home, I was often bombarded with the idea that, because of my humanity, I was prone to mistakes. This idea was reinforced by my observations of the harm caused to others by my actions or inactions. Consequently, I have struggled with feelings of guilt and unworthiness most of my life. These feelings have been a huge source of blocked energy in my life, keeping me from enjoying those things in life I truly deserve--things we all deserve. As I reassess my life, several things become abundantly clear.

First, mistakes are really good things! While it is true they can carry negative and even harmful effects, mistakes can be our best teachers. Our spiritual goal is to wake up, recognize the negativity, and correct our actions. All mistakes are meant to lead to our spiritual growth, and spiritual growth is what we come to earth to do! Yes! We are prone to make mistakes, and that's a GOOD thing!

Second, there is no cause and effect between our imperfection and what we deserve in life. Look at the world around you. Some of the most loving and giving people I know have nothing but problems, and some of the meanest people around are very outwardly successful. Do those loving souls deserve problems? Do those mean people deserve success? Life is not fair. It could be fair, but often our feelings of guilt and unworthiness get in the way of the abundance we could have.

The bottom line is, we need to embrace our imperfection as a way of life. Feelings of guilt and unworthiness serve no worthwhile purpose and can actually hinder those positive activities we came to earth to participate in. Learn to let go and forgive yourself! Your effectiveness on earth depends upon it!

The Mirror

There is a mirror inside myself
I fear to look at,
For it reflects my very soul.

Memory holds the bitterness of my
Many mistakes--
Mistakes I know
Must darken my spirit and
Make it more hideous with each passing day.

Yet, when I find the strength and courage
To gaze into the mirror’s depths,
It is not the monster I see.

I see the white light of perfection
Made even more beautiful
By the problems and mistakes
Which occur every day.

Mistakes that teach.
Mistakes that perfect.
Mistakes that bring out beauty
Which never before existed.

There is no monster.
It is fear that hides the truth
Of who I am.

I acknowledge this reflection of light
And embrace my power.

--Cindy Shippy Evans

Take Time For Joy!

     In my seemingly endless quest for meaning and purpose, I find myself stuck. Stressers from many different areas in life attack from all sides, making my search feel even more critical (and ironically adding even more stress!). Consequently, I am once again caught in a trap of my own design. As I search for signposts in my latest crossroads, several questions pop up. What is my passion? Where is the fun? What is my joy?
     I had the privilege of talking to a gifted intuitive couselor, Susann Taylor Shier (http://www.soulmastery.net/), a few nights ago on a teleconference call. She "reads" people on a soul level and gives insightful suggestions to help them on the right path. After explaining how I was stuck, Susann gently pointed out how little time I take for myself. I have been so focused on finding my purpose in life and saving the world I have forgotten that I am also here to experience joy. People who are passionate and joyful create an abundant life! I am stuck because I am not seeking out those activities that bring ME joy!
     Low self esteem definitely plays a role in this process. Somehow, I have internalized the idea that I have to do for others to be worthy of the good things in life--like I don't deserve blessings if I am not constantly giving to others. The fact of the matter is, a person who is filled with joy overflows naturally to the world around them! My ideology has all been backwards! You cannot give what you do not have!
     Susann's suggestion to me was to find those activities that allow me to have fun. She and Jennifer McLean (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/), the host of the call, tuned into my love of music and suggested that may be one avenue to explore. As I thought about it more today, I realized writing was also something I really love to do to express myself (hence the blog post). In addition, I am ready to pick my pen and paper back up to work on a series of children's book I got the idea for well over a year ago.
     Joy is definitely missing from my life right now. My sense of responsibility coupled with low self esteem has brought me to a place of immobility. Fortunately the path to passion and joy has been revealed! Time to take the first step.