The Change Within

I'm always looking for answers on how to improve my life. One of the best things I have done for myself is to become a member of the Masterworks Healing membership site (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/), which is run by healer and entrepenuer Jennifer McLean. The perspectives I've gained from listening to the work of Jennifer and the other contributors on the site have raised my energy frequency to a whole new level. Gone are my days of wallowing in depression. My outlook has changed so much in positive ways I feel like a new person.

The most profound shift to hit recently was my understanding of how the mind differs from the heart. The mind is associated mainly with the teachings we have learned from being in the world. It is designed for protection and can be full of biases and prejudices which separate us from our fellow humans. The heart, on the other hand, is what connects us to the whole of humanity and the Universe. It's reach is limitless, and it is filled with the knowledge of all truth. The world is full of people (myself included) who make decisions based on the mind instead of the heart. It's no wonder that Jesus challenged his followers to "become like little children". Children have not had time to learn the lessons of the world and as such live naturally from their hearts! Our lives here on earth are not about separation but about connection.

The world has become a challenging place lately, but when I look at it now it does not concern me as much as it used to. I have become committed to learning what it means to live from my heart. As I go down this path, I have discovered many others who are also coming to this new understanding. Yes, circumstances in the world are getting more challenging. They will probably become more so as people continue to live from their minds and not their hearts. The good news is, everybody has a breaking point. When it gets stressful enough, people are willing to make the changes they need to impact the world in more positive ways. This is where growth comes from!

As I continue on down this path of the heart, I am comforted by the knowledge that everything, both good and bad, truly does work toward the good. Positive change is coming--a whole paradigm shift from mind to heart. It is this change within that will change the world.

It Isn't About You!

Part of this human experience is to live in the world, and in this world we get hurt. Often this hurt stems from something another person does--an unkind word, a lie, a betrayal, etc. Conflict arises when we take offense to these hurts, but does it have to? Can we avoid this conflict? I believe we can. Avoiding conflict is as simple as being mindful of your focus. All you need to remember is that it isn't about you!

This point was made abundantly clear while listening to Jennifer McLean's Body Dialoging session from Sept. 11th on her Masterworks Healing membership site. (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/) It began with a prayer for the 9/11 disaster and what this ordeal taught us on a global level and continued on to show what we can learn from individual conflict. People who commit painful actions are acting from a need within themselves which cries out for acknowledgement. Your victimhood lies in the fact you were around when that pain was expressed! Instead of automatically assuming the expression of pain was to hurt you, you are free to see the pain for what it is: their pain! It isn't about you! When you see their pain for what it is, it ceases to hurt you! Acknowledge that part of their human experience and remember that underneath the pain is a being of love and light.

As we learn to interact and cope in the world, it is easy to get hurt by the things others do. Just remember: their actions are only a reflection of how they have learned to cope in the world. Acknowledge their pain, but go beyond the tension to see the light within. The road to peace and understanding shows up when your focus is on others. It isn't about you!

The Difference Between the Heart and Mind

For months I have heard abundance experts talk about how important it is to be present in your body and allow yourself to act through your heart in order to live in "flow". While I have been heeding this advice and making a conscious decision to be present and act from my heart, I found I was still missing pieces to the puzzle. Most of my decisions are based on my rational thought--my mind. Today, I believe I have found a missing piece connecting another large portion of the whole.

I took the time to listen to a Body Dialoging session with Jennifer McLean on her Masterworks Healing membership site (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/) from this past Saturday, which just happened to be 9/11. The call was all about being present in your body and being in flow, but this time it was different. As I allowed myself to participate and went from being present in my body to being outside it and back again, I finally grasped what I had not been able to before. When you are in your rational mind, the mind throws barriers in your path in an act of self-preservation. These barriers are things like the prejudices we are taught or the negative perceptions we have about ourselves or others.  This is where your life's problems come from. This is where disease comes from. This is the seat of conflict. My "A-hah" moment came when I understood that all the problems in my life are outside of me!  I had always believed the turmoil was inside of me. Consequently, I would try to "escape" by using my imagination to leave my body, but in reality my "escape" was the place where conflict lives! At those times during the session when I was present in my body and living in my heart, there were no barriers, there was no conflict--only solutions, only peace, only love. It was powerful!

With this new understanding, I feel confident I can overcome the pitfalls in my life as I learn to stay present in my body and live from my heart. I know my heart is the source of my love, my peace, and my flow. My mind is what the world has taught me. I follow the path of least resistance.   

From Fear to Authenticity

I have walked this same path so many times I have lost count. I dream of a life much bigger than the one I currently live, yet each time I attempt to get there fear seems to take over and I find myself back in the same old rut. Every time I fall back into this rut, I fall back into a deeper state of depression, knowing that out there somewhere is the life I should be living. My fear keeps me from becoming the person I was meant to be--my authentic self.

This point was driven home this morning while listening to another of Jennifer McLean's wonderful Healing With the Masters interviews (to listen to this resource for FREE go to http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/ and sign up!). Sonia Choquette(Traveling at the Speed of Love), an insightful intuition teacher, talked about the battle between our earthbound egos and our spiritbound authentic selves. The earthbound ego places limits on the choices we make and consequently keeps our authentic selves boxed up if we let our egos rule us. Our egos tell us things like, "you don't deserve it" or "it's just not practical". If we believe these things, we don't listen to our dreams. Our dreams are what the authentic self uses to guide us to the lives we were meant to live.

I have prayed for months for help in finding my authentic self and living my dreams. As usual, I am stubborn and not listening and have finally been brought to a state containing enough pain that I felt I had no option but to quit the life my ego has been telling me to live! Let me explain: my authentic self has told me for years that I need to work for myself in order to achieve the life I want. Still, I continue to make a sure buck working a low paying, high stress job. Last week, between the stresses of the job and stresses at home, my boss suggested I take a week off to get myself together. I was upset at first, but then I realized that this was indeed my time to assess my current situation. My dream job has the following elements: time to think, plan, study and grow and involves teaching others how to evolve themselves. My current job will never get me there! Also, I know my current job will only bring me more stress and trouble, and that is not a state I wish to continue in. As a result, I quit the "sure money" in order to pursue something more in line with my dreams.

I have an old high school friend I admire greatly--probably because he is so authentic. He has lived a unique, exciting and successful life in many ways, and it is precisely because he is not afraid to listen to his dreams and does not let his ego limit him. He makes mistakes, but he learns from them and goes on. Intuitively, he knows that mistakes are important for growth.

I'd like to say I am currently on my way to living the life of my dreams. The battle now, as it has always been, is which part of myself to listen to--fear or authenticity. As I learn to tune out the fear and follow my dreams, my purpose in life becomes fulfilled.  

Take Time For Joy!

     In my seemingly endless quest for meaning and purpose, I find myself stuck. Stressers from many different areas in life attack from all sides, making my search feel even more critical (and ironically adding even more stress!). Consequently, I am once again caught in a trap of my own design. As I search for signposts in my latest crossroads, several questions pop up. What is my passion? Where is the fun? What is my joy?
     I had the privilege of talking to a gifted intuitive couselor, Susann Taylor Shier (http://www.soulmastery.net/), a few nights ago on a teleconference call. She "reads" people on a soul level and gives insightful suggestions to help them on the right path. After explaining how I was stuck, Susann gently pointed out how little time I take for myself. I have been so focused on finding my purpose in life and saving the world I have forgotten that I am also here to experience joy. People who are passionate and joyful create an abundant life! I am stuck because I am not seeking out those activities that bring ME joy!
     Low self esteem definitely plays a role in this process. Somehow, I have internalized the idea that I have to do for others to be worthy of the good things in life--like I don't deserve blessings if I am not constantly giving to others. The fact of the matter is, a person who is filled with joy overflows naturally to the world around them! My ideology has all been backwards! You cannot give what you do not have!
     Susann's suggestion to me was to find those activities that allow me to have fun. She and Jennifer McLean (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/), the host of the call, tuned into my love of music and suggested that may be one avenue to explore. As I thought about it more today, I realized writing was also something I really love to do to express myself (hence the blog post). In addition, I am ready to pick my pen and paper back up to work on a series of children's book I got the idea for well over a year ago.
     Joy is definitely missing from my life right now. My sense of responsibility coupled with low self esteem has brought me to a place of immobility. Fortunately the path to passion and joy has been revealed! Time to take the first step.  

When All Is Stripped Away

     Life never turns out exactly how you plan it. In fact, my life has strayed so far from my original ideals I scarcely recognize it at times. I never dreamed I would find myself divorced. I never imagined I would lose a newborn to an illness. I never contemplated narrowly escaping from a cult whose members finally ended up in prison. Life has presented me with some interesting and unique obstacles, and yet when it is all said and done I am not convinced I would do it differently.
     My current challenge involves parenting. My oldest son is within weeks of graduating from high school. He is smart and a great soccer player, yet with all his talents his grades are mediocre and he even dropped out of soccer this year. I don't believe in pushing my children into a life that will make them unhappy, so here I am struggling with decisions I am afraid he will regret one day. In my original parenting dreams, my children are all top students with at least one blazing talent in some non-academic area. Ah! the reality!
     I listened to a wonderful interview on Jennifer McLean's Healing With the Masters teleseminar series (http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/) this evening with Neale Donald Walsh, author of the Conversations With God series. During the interview, Neale spent some time talking about humility and described some of his experience as a homeless man. As the life he had known was totally stripped away, the person he truly was came through. He had been defined by the world's standards. Becoming homeless revealed that light that Neale is.
     As I look at my life, I realize my challenges have been some of my greatest teachers. My life may not measure up to the world's standards as being wonderful and grand. Still, when situations come along that make me challenge those beliefs--when all has been stripped away, I do not see myself as lacking. I am able to see who I really am, and that makes all the difference.

My Authentic Self

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.  ---Teilhard de Chardin
 
Last night was a bad night. We came home from watching the middle school play, which my youngest son had participated in, and almost immediately my daughter and oldest son began a huge fight. For most people, sibling fights are not a big deal. I had plenty with my sisters when I was growing up. Still, this was not a normal fight. My daughter has only recently been diagnosed with a "mood disorder". We have had to call the police to help us with her because she gets into these rages where there is no rational thought. She has been like this her whole life. When she was little, I could physically stop her. Now she is 16 and full grown. At this point in time, her brothers have gotten so tired of her verbal and physical abuse they now occassionally snap. Last night was one of those nights.
 
I struggled all night with the thought that I have brought all this on myself and that maybe I could have prevented the behaviors occurring with my daughter now if I had done something differently. After all, I have professional experience working with emotionally disturbed children. At this point, the abuse has worn me down to where I lose my own temper sometimes. I even find myself turning this anger inward, which leads to my depression. 
 
Fortunately, I remembered one very important thing this morning. I am a spiritual being having a human experience. Maybe I did bring about the circumstances that led to all this conflict in my life, but that's okay. I am here to learn, to grow. So I chose to have what Jennifer McLean (http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/, http://www.masterworkshealing.com/) calls a "level 10 experience". This means I have chosen to deal with an issue that will provide me with tremendous growth because of the challenges the experience presents. 
 
The world would look at this situation and say, "She must be a terrible parent with very poor coping skills." My authentic self sees this situation as one full of growth opportunties for both myself and my family. I am learning to overcome. I am learning to accept. I am learning to act instead of react. I am a work-in-progress. I am truly blessed.

Quiet Time

     Often in the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it is easy to forget how important it is to take a few quiet moments for yourself. Sometimes it is the circumstances of our lives that cause us to forget. At other times, we just don't make enough time for ourselves because we believe there is so much more we "have to do". Within the past few days of trying to carry on my "normal" life and deal with extraordinary problems, this simple truth has hit home with me as I struggle to fill myself up once again. I am convinced those times in our lives that feel slow--where we don't feel we are accomplishing anything--are truly important to our overall mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health. We need to remember this and learn to appreciate this "down time".
     I went to work Monday on three hours of sleep after spending most of the night in the ER with my daughter. When I got home, I made dinner for the family and got some catch-up sleep (although a restless sleep). Tuesday I had to leave work early because I had to take my middle school son to the high school to sign up for his high school classes for next year. I quickly made dinner upon arriving home and drove to the hospital to see my daughter for visiting time. Wednesday, I went back to work and had to leave early again to go back to the hospital for a family counseling session. Fortunately, my daughter responded well to treatment and I was able to bring her home after the session  (no more hospital visits this week!). I have a few visits scheduled for her within the next couple of weeks, but today I do have some quiet time which I plan to take full advantage of.
     My plan is to spend a little time meditating, listening to music and trying to get in touch with God in me. I will probably listen to one of my favorite internet gurus, Jennifer McLean, on her MasterWorks Healing website (www.masterworkshealing.com/members). This has helped me through some of my worst depression in the past. I may do a little reading (one of my favorite pasttimes). I have found these things work for me. I appreciate the fact they are accessible and enable my body, mind and heart to heal.
     The important thing is, I know how critical it is for me to take this time for myself. It is not time I spend being lazy but time I deserve to replenish my soul. We all need (and deserve) this. Don't make the mistake of regretting this down time because you should be doing something more constructive and productive. Filling yourself up after the stresses of your life is a necessary and useful part of your development. Enjoy and relish those moments. It won't be long before you find yourself re-emerging into your own busy world with the strength to get through all the challenges life throws your way.   
    
   

The Missing Piece

For well over a year now, I have focused on finding my purpose in life. My goal has been to use the gifts and talents I have been given to contribute to the world in much more powerful ways than I ever have before. I would prefer to do this on a full time basis (meaning I would like to find a way to make it provide an income). At times it has seemed like a tall order. To make the situation even more interesting, I have been struggling with redefining myself in terms of new ideas and beliefs that don't always seem to mesh with my old ideas and beliefs. Just this week, I have found the piece that not only ties the old and new beliefs together, but has also led me to a clearer understanding of my purpose in life as well as a better appreciation for the gifts and talents I have been given.

This week, I was introduced to a wonderful spiritual healer named Mary A. Hall through Jennifer McLean's "Healing With the Masters" interview series. I was intrigued from the get-go because Mary was billed as someone who helped people develop abundance in their lives. As this is one of the ideas I have struggled with, I was very interested in hearing what she had to say. Her insight and wisdom truly blew me away!

To simplify my experience with Mary, Mary introduced me to Love. This being has more love for me than can be imagined. The appreciation and respect Love has for me has no limits. In Love's presence, I am beautiful, whole and perfect. In the presence of Love, there is insight and wisdom. Within this Love, abundance flows freely, guiding a person to new understandings and inspiring new actions. It is an amazing feeling. It is also something I am already intimately familiar with. I usually call it God or the Holy Spirit.

What this insight did for me was to help me understand the abundance I was looking for was already here. I just had to connect that abundance is a part of God--the part that flows in and through all things.

Mary also helped me understand that my abundance is directly related to my feelings of worthiness. When I feel less than worthy, I sabotage my own efforts at attracting the life I want. This is why that relationship with Love--with God--is so important. When you see yourself through God's eyes, you understand how much worth you truly have. This understanding prepares you to receive the blessings and abundance life has for you! You know and believe you are worthy to be blessed, and you are open to it.

As I have pondered these thoughts this week and allowed Love to open me, I have already been tremendously blessed. My clarity of thought has increased. I have been inspired to say things to people that have turned out to be amazingly accurate. I have remembered my own gifts to help others heal from hurts and sometimes physical problems, and I have recalled the God-energy involved in those past experiences. It has truly been a mind blowing week for me!

The missing piece was right there all the time. I just needed to connect it! Now that I have, I know I am called to remember the Love inside me. My purpose as a healer is to help you remember the Love that is inside you.

To take advantage of the rest of this wonderful (free) interview series, please visit http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/.