In my seemingly endless quest for meaning and purpose, I find myself stuck. Stressers from many different areas in life attack from all sides, making my search feel even more critical (and ironically adding even more stress!). Consequently, I am once again caught in a trap of my own design. As I search for signposts in my latest crossroads, several questions pop up. What is my passion? Where is the fun? What is my joy?
I had the privilege of talking to a gifted intuitive couselor, Susann Taylor Shier (http://www.soulmastery.net/), a few nights ago on a teleconference call. She "reads" people on a soul level and gives insightful suggestions to help them on the right path. After explaining how I was stuck, Susann gently pointed out how little time I take for myself. I have been so focused on finding my purpose in life and saving the world I have forgotten that I am also here to experience joy. People who are passionate and joyful create an abundant life! I am stuck because I am not seeking out those activities that bring ME joy!
Low self esteem definitely plays a role in this process. Somehow, I have internalized the idea that I have to do for others to be worthy of the good things in life--like I don't deserve blessings if I am not constantly giving to others. The fact of the matter is, a person who is filled with joy overflows naturally to the world around them! My ideology has all been backwards! You cannot give what you do not have!
Susann's suggestion to me was to find those activities that allow me to have fun. She and Jennifer McLean (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/), the host of the call, tuned into my love of music and suggested that may be one avenue to explore. As I thought about it more today, I realized writing was also something I really love to do to express myself (hence the blog post). In addition, I am ready to pick my pen and paper back up to work on a series of children's book I got the idea for well over a year ago.
Joy is definitely missing from my life right now. My sense of responsibility coupled with low self esteem has brought me to a place of immobility. Fortunately the path to passion and joy has been revealed! Time to take the first step.