Thursday, May 26, 2011

Divergent Paths

I find myself in mourning today. I have made the all-important decision to be true to myself and let the light inside begin to shine through without holding back. The problem with that is, I am forced to leave the path I have been on where I have had many wonderful traveling companions along the way. It's scary. I feel as though I am leaving behind the support I have come to lean on. I am sad because I love these friends immensely and have great respect and admiration for them. Still, I know I can no longer continue on this path and remain true to who I am--who I have always been.

I have always been a very spiritual person but I now find myself unable to conform to the box I have allowed myself to be placed in by religious "rules". Many of these rules have never felt right in my heart, but I overlooked them for a long time because some things about religion did feel right in my heart. For example, Christianity tells us the being gay is a "sin" and a "lifestyle choice". While I can accept there may be some instances of "choosing" to be gay, I honestly believe the vast majority of gay people are born that way. God does not create sinners. People wrote (and slanted) the Bible. My heart--my connection to God--tells me to accept these people for who they are and to allow them to use their gifts and talents to bless me on my journey.  My life has been richly blessed by my gay and lesbian friends, and I wouldn't choose to have it any other way.

I've also struggled with revealing some of my own particular talents to some of my Christian friends. I've always been highly intuitive and sensitive to energies. There have been many occasions when I've told people what they needed to hear at precisely the time they needed to hear it. I have also always been highly sensitive to the feelings of others--to the point where I pretty much know what they are thinking at any given time. I have even lately been made aware of my main spirit guide/guardian angel, who has been assigned by God to help me on my journey. I've always considered these gifts to be talents I have through my connection to God. In some circles, these gifts would be considered psychic. Many conservative Christians believe any sort of psychic ability comes from the devil or evil spirits. The concept of a spirit guide is definitely considered to be of the devil. The thing is, within the past year I have felt called to use these gifts in ways that would help others gain additional perspective to things they might be going through. Denying I have these gifts limits what I feel called to do.

I have come to that place in life where I have to make a choice: accept who I truly am and become the person I was meant to be or continue to live in the box of religion, miserable and unfulfilled. I have chosen the latter, but in doing so I have chosen a different path to follow.

It feels a little lonely, because I no longer know my traveling companions. I am meeting them, and I am finding them to be delightful. In time I'm sure it will be wonderful. It just feels a little scary right now.

I have always loved this Robert Frost poem. Today it feels more true for me than ever!

The Road Not Taken                        
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;       
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,       
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.       
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.                                                              


  1. Beautiful post Cindy.. be of good cheer, you're in excellent company.. and don't fret over religious doctrine and superstition that you have outgrown.. that too is part of normal growth.. rules are for the folks who need them because they won't take responsibility for their own actions and thoughts.. once you begin to think for yourself they become unnecessary and rather limiting as you grow beyond the need to have your every thought confined in the box..

  2. Thanks for your kind (and well-spoken) words, Kelly! I am truly honored to share this new journey with you!

  3. Sounds like its Atlanta North's loss (or Dacula's). There's nothing wrong with your choice to move on. I've felt for several years now that church basically follows the path of the lowest common denominator...that is, appealing to the broadest demographic as possible and not being truly innovative in allowing those who have broken beyond "the box" of what is considered "acceptable" and "the norm." For myself, I've decided to cut back on church attendance to one Sunday a month. The other three Sundays will be focused on my own spiritual path. I guess I'm too loyal to give it up completely, but I wish you all the best.

  4. Thanks, Nick! I, too, still go occasionally although it is more for the social interaction than anything. As I let go of the old routine, I do find myself happier with my direction in life.