I have walked this same path so many times I have lost count. I dream of a life much bigger than the one I currently live, yet each time I attempt to get there fear seems to take over and I find myself back in the same old rut. Every time I fall back into this rut, I fall back into a deeper state of depression, knowing that out there somewhere is the life I should be living. My fear keeps me from becoming the person I was meant to be--my authentic self.
This point was driven home this morning while listening to another of Jennifer McLean's wonderful Healing With the Masters interviews (to listen to this resource for FREE go to http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/ and sign up!). Sonia Choquette(Traveling at the Speed of Love), an insightful intuition teacher, talked about the battle between our earthbound egos and our spiritbound authentic selves. The earthbound ego places limits on the choices we make and consequently keeps our authentic selves boxed up if we let our egos rule us. Our egos tell us things like, "you don't deserve it" or "it's just not practical". If we believe these things, we don't listen to our dreams. Our dreams are what the authentic self uses to guide us to the lives we were meant to live.
I have prayed for months for help in finding my authentic self and living my dreams. As usual, I am stubborn and not listening and have finally been brought to a state containing enough pain that I felt I had no option but to quit the life my ego has been telling me to live! Let me explain: my authentic self has told me for years that I need to work for myself in order to achieve the life I want. Still, I continue to make a sure buck working a low paying, high stress job. Last week, between the stresses of the job and stresses at home, my boss suggested I take a week off to get myself together. I was upset at first, but then I realized that this was indeed my time to assess my current situation. My dream job has the following elements: time to think, plan, study and grow and involves teaching others how to evolve themselves. My current job will never get me there! Also, I know my current job will only bring me more stress and trouble, and that is not a state I wish to continue in. As a result, I quit the "sure money" in order to pursue something more in line with my dreams.
I have an old high school friend I admire greatly--probably because he is so authentic. He has lived a unique, exciting and successful life in many ways, and it is precisely because he is not afraid to listen to his dreams and does not let his ego limit him. He makes mistakes, but he learns from them and goes on. Intuitively, he knows that mistakes are important for growth.
I'd like to say I am currently on my way to living the life of my dreams. The battle now, as it has always been, is which part of myself to listen to--fear or authenticity. As I learn to tune out the fear and follow my dreams, my purpose in life becomes fulfilled.