To Trust In Man (Part 12)

Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse

Gathering

As my second summer of tour guiding at the Kirtland Temple progressed, I did what I could to strengthen my position to stay in Kirtland. I was determined not to leave this time, especially as I could see the evidence that people were beginning to "gather", or move to Kirtland to become part of this shared vision of Zion--a vision that had been created and encouraged by Jeff Lundgren.

One of my fellow guides during the summer of 1987 was an obvious convert to the cause. He was staying. During the course of the summer, several of his friends from the Independence, Missouri area came for a visit. Two of the three friends who visited also decided to stay. They eventually moved in with the Lundgren family, this being made possible by a move the Lundgren's made to an old farmhouse on an acreage a few miles from the Kirtland Temple.

There were other older adults who also chose to gather to Kirtland at this time. Several friends of Jeff and Alice came to Kirtland with their families in tow. One such family was that of Dennis and Cheryl Avery and their three daughters. They were a quiet, rather unassuming couple who seemed to trust Jeff and Alice immensely, although Jeff and Alice often made disparaging comments behind their backs. Jeff sure had no qualms about using their money for his projects, nor about using their rented house to hold scripture study classes in, away from the prying eyes of the church. I often felt sorry for the Avery's. It was obvious to me Jeff and Alice did not like them.

When my last summer of tour guiding was over, I managed to find work cleaning rooms and subbing at the front desk at a local hotel. My husband, Brian, had found work in the area as part of the loss prevention staff at a local department store. Because Brian was still undecided about his direction in life, I managed to convince him to drop out of school for the time being and stay in Kirtland. He had changed his major so often he still had several years left before he would receive any sort of undergraduate degree. I suggested sitting out a semester and working in the "real world" would help Brian define what he wanted more clearly. Somehow I managed to convince Brian this was the sensible thing to do.

My dream of "gathering" to Kirtland, after years of wanting to, was finally coming to fruition. We were staying!

The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-13.html

*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)

To Trust In Man (Part 11)

Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse

Hunting

Although my husband Brian was in Kirtland with me and attended scripture study classes at the Lundgren home, he really was not taking to the teachings or to Jeff as I had hoped. I would often encourage Brian to participate in some of the "male bonding" sort of activities which went on in the Lundgren household in the hope it would draw him closer to the group.

At times, Damon, Jeff Lundgren's oldest son, would organize games of "Capture the Flag" in the late evening in the gardens of the Kirtland Temple. The game involved two teams who would take turns hiding the "flag", usually just a colored rag. The object was to either find the flag and bring to back to home base or to keep the other team from finding the flag and retrieving it. Brian would often participate. He liked games and seemed to enjoy it, although it was obvious in Brian's mind that games were one thing, the scriptures and religion quite another.

I knew Jeff and his family were also into hunting. Occasionally I would see Jeff cleaning some gun or another, and they would talk about deer hunting and other things of that nature. It never struck me as odd, as I have family members who enjoy hunting as well. During the course of the summer, Jeff began organizing trips to the shooting range. He also strongly encouraged the younger men to take a hunter's safety course, which they did. As guns always scared me, I thought this was a good idea, especially since Brian and I were now in possession of a rifle, which Jeff had purchased with money we had given him.

As much talk of hunting and guns as there was in the Lundgren household, I never thought about Jeff and his fascination with guns. I now know Jeff understood my fear of guns, perhaps even better than I did. He never allowed me to go into the basement of his house on the visitor center grounds. He never told me why, but some of Jeff's other followers did. When I asked the others what was down there, I was told guns and ammunition--lots of it. I wasn't allowed to go down there for fear it would scare me. The sad part is, I didn't even question it.

Blessings come in many forms. Brian's lack of spirituality and the fact that he never bonded strongly with anyone in the Lundgren group were truly blessings. I just didn't see it at the time.

The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-12.html

*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)

To Trust In Man (Part 10)

Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse

Expanded Teachings

Jeff Lundgren was a master of weaving various ideas together in order to prove the truth of his teachings. His vast knowledge of the three books of scripture my church used, the Bible, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants, coupled with some ideas he had discovered on archeology and even linguistics made his arguments ever so convincing.

Jeff had happened upon an idea the first summer I was there known as chiasmus. This is an ancient poetry form found in many cultures and writings (the Bible being among them) where ideas are first written and then restated in a reverse order, the most important idea in the "chiasm" will be the parallel statements in the middle of the chiasm. Jeff jumped on this idea to not only prove the validity of the Book of Mormon, where chiastic writing is prolific, but also to emphasize points he wanted to make. Increasingly, the Book of Mormon became central in his teachings. Jeff would make points about how there was a "pattern in all things" (an idea I actually believe is valid and I used to convince myself he was on to something). By the time my second summer in Kirtland began, 1987, the concept of patterns was essential to many of Jeff's teachings.

As the summer went on, Jeff began to emphasize several points over and over again. Violence played a significant role in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Indeed, he brought up story after story about wars of the Isealites in the Bible and the wars of the Nephites and Lamanites in the Book of Mormon. He also began to relate the story of Christ appearing to the Nephites in the Book of Mormon to how it was going to happen again at Christ's second coming. Jeff taught God would cause a massive, worldwide earthquake to occur, leaving the Kirtland Temple somehow erect but also heralding the return of Christ. I was so convinced in the validity of the pattern concept and that Jeff was an inspired teacher I sincerely began to believe it.

By this time, my ability to discern the truth within was clearly suspect. I was in well over my head.

The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-11.html

*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)

Divine Whispers

By my own personal definition, prayer is the act of asking the Divine for help and/or answers. Meditation, on the other hand, is the act of listening to the Divine. As far back as I can remember, I've always been good at praying. I also know I have a gift for saying very powerful prayers. What I'm not always good at is listening.

In the past few weeks, I have intentionally made it a point to listen. I sit in a quiet place (which usually means very early in the morning when everyone else is still in bed), and I do my best to empty my mind of all my thoughts, cares and concerns. It helps to have no agenda in mind--no preconceived ideas about how life in general (or my life specifically) should go. Basically, I let go of my will and search to replace it with the mind and will of God.

It isn't an easy task. There are so many thoughts that get in the way--so much mental clutter. It takes real control (and often a long time) to settle it all down and focus on the stillness within. I will say this: it does get easier the more you practice and it is definitely worth it in the end.

It is in the quiet where the Divine whispers to you. Thoughts come in this quiet place. Sometimes they relate to your life in some specific way. Sometimes they relate to your world in general. Regardless, all Divine whisperings are important because they give insight and direction.

As I learn to hear these Divine whisperings and follow this guidance, my life moves forth in very powerful ways. Empty places the world has gouged out begin to fill back up. I overflow with an infinite love and peace. I am no longer an individual acting alone, but am part of a much bigger movement of Wholeness, of Oneness. It is from those Divine whispers I learn to connect with all that Is.

To Trust In Man (Part 9)

Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse

New Faces

After graduating from college with a BA in psychology, I applied to be a tour guide at the historic Kirtland Temple in beautiful northeastern Ohio once again for the summer of 1987 and was accepted. I was happy to be back in Kirtland with the ability to hear more of Jeff Lundgren's teachings, this time with my husband Brian in tow. It was my hope that Brian would begin to understand my interest in Jeff's vision with more exposure to his teachings.
 
In many ways the visitors center was the same as when I had last worked there. The same retired couple was still there running the Temple. Jeff and his wife Alice were also still on the full time staff. As for the three summer guides I had worked with the summer of l985, two of them were now permanent residents in Kirtland although they no longer served as tour guides. My other male coworker from the previous summer did not return. It was hinted at by Jeff and Alice there were reasons for that. Apparently, money had turned up missing from the visitors center the last summer I had worked there. Summer guides were no longer responsible for helping with gift shop purchases.
 
That summer saw several additions in staff. There were two more males and one other female who had been hired as historic interpreters for the summer besides myself. The girl was a friend who had lived on my floor in the dorm before I was married. The males I had to get to know, but again we all seemed to get along fairly well. Another wonderful addition was that of a retired couple from Oklahoma who had joined the visitors center as year round staff. They were sweet and extremely eager to share the church's history with the people who came to Kirtland. I became quite fond of them as I found out we had some family and friend connections through our church.
 
Most importantly, I was back where I could share in regular scripture studies and learn some of the wonderful things Jeff had learned in my time away. So much had already happened. So much was happening now. I was ready to help "establish the cause of Zion"--a cause that was to draw me ever closer to the edge of reason.

Story continues at: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-10.html 
 
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)

To Trust In Man (Part 8)

Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse

Still Connected

Although I was back in school in Iowa, I was extremely interested in everything having to do with the Kirtland Temple and Jeffrey Lundgren. I was determined to do what I could to get back to that place. Jeff had made me a believer in the concept that Zion, God's Kingdom on earth, was going to begin from that place and not Independence, Missouri, which church tradition held to be the center place of Zion.

My first attempt to return was applying to be a "historic interpreter" once again at the Kirtland Temple for the summer of 1986. It was to be a big year because it was the 150th anniversary of the completion and dedication of the Temple. What I didn't anticipate was my mother's interference. Because my mother had voiced concerns over Jeff's teachings and his influence over me, the man in charge of the church's historic sites did not want me to be there at a time when more than the usual number of people would be making the trek to see Kirtland. I was not put off by this event. Sure it was a kink in the plans, but not insurmountable. After all, I still had family in the area.

My boyfriend, Brian, was also playing a much bigger role in my life. We became officially engaged in October of 1985 and were planning on getting married when the school year ended. Having worked at the Temple the previous summer, I knew that weddings were occasionally held in the Temple gardens. I began dreaming of an outdoor wedding there. Because of my family in Ohio, I was able to pull off the preparations for my dream wedding in Kirtland. We even considered having Jeff perform the wedding ceremony, although in the end we opted to have Brian's dad do the honors.

Brian and I were married in the Kirtland Temple gardens in May of 1986. It turned out to be a beautiful day for the wedding with many family members and friends in attendance. In fact, my roommate from the previous summer had helped me get ready for the big occasion and one of my male coworkers played Pachabel's cannon on his acoustic guitar as I walked down the aisle. He, too, was in Kirtland permanently.

After a brief honeymoon, Brian and I stayed with my grandmother. Brian was able to find some work, but after a few weeks of looking I couldn't find anything. We decided to go ahead and move back to Iowa for the rest of the summer because Brian found a better paying job there.

Things seemed to be shaping up in Kirtland. Alice had told me about the latest happenings--Jeff had learned some amazing things and people were looking up to him more and more, etc., and now two of my coworkers were in Kirtland ready to help "establish the cause of Zion". While I was not physically present in Kirtland, my heart was definitely there.

The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-9.html

*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)

To Trust In Man (Part 7)

Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse

Planning For the Future

The summer of 1985 was an idyllic summer for me as I fulfilled my dream of sharing the peace and history of the Kirtland Temple in beautiful northeastern Ohio with those who wanted to explore it. There was no doubt in my mind this building was a special place--a place where it was easy to find God. However, the course of the summer also found me being drawn closer to the building for more ominous reasons. I had been convinced by Jeff Lundgren that the purpose of the temple had not been fulfilled back in the 1830's but was still yet to come. It was my plan to be part of that movement.

Toward the end of that first summer, I knew I would be back. I was already making plans to apply for a job the following summer at the Temple, where full preparations were underway for the 1986 sequecentennial celebration of the Temple's completion and dedication. My roommate had already found a job in the local community and was planning on staying on in Kirtland indefinitely. The other two summer guides and I were all planning on going back to school for the fall semester although the pull to stay in Kirtland was felt by all three of us.

My boyfriend, Brian, came to Kirtland at the end of the summer, both to see the Temple and then to take me home to South Carolina for a brief visit before we had to be back to college in Iowa in the fall. I was somewhat disappointed Brian did not seem to be as enamored with the building or Jeff's teachings as I was (although he was the patient boyfriend and listened to what I had to say). Still, it was important for me to share it with him. From the very beginning of our relationship I had been extremely drawn to Brian--sort of like I had known him forever. Things were getting serious very quickly, and we were talking about marriage. I knew I would need Brian to be in agreement with me if I was to make it back to Kirtland.

My attachment to Brian and his disinterest in the Temple proved to be a very good thing.

The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-8.html

*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)