Saturday, May 16, 2009

Leap of Faith

The Law of Attraction has intrigued me since the first time I watched The Secret (Extended Edition) by Rhonda Byrnes. Somehow, the idea that we are in control of our own destinies through the thoughts we think rings true for me. Based on the popularity of authors like Wayne Dyer, Jack Canfield, and Jerry and Esther Hicks, the idea stikes a powerful chord in many other people as well.
While I have believed in the Law of Attraction concept for years, I will be the first to admit I have not attracted everything I want into my life. My relationships with family and friends are good. I believe I have attained some level of spiritual awareness and have a relationship with God. I have even achieved some level of career success even though it is in an area I fell into instead of actively pursued. Still, I have many goals left unreached. It seems as though life and the ever-present need for money to live it has gotten in the way.
At present, I am the mother of three busy teenaged children, two of whom are special needs (one has a reading disability, the other is ADHD). I spent over ten years as a single mom (with a lot of help from my own mother) and only recently remarried a really nice man who treats the children and I very well. I have been working as the lead teacher in a Georgia Pre K classroom for the past four years, and I worked as a daycare teacher for eight years before that. My only other "real" job was right after I graduated from college with a BA in psychology. I worked almost three years as a residential counselor in a group home for emotionally disturbed children. The endless routine of working full time, chauferring my children around to their various activities, and running a household has taken its toll on me. I am emotionally drained and exhausted.
I look at my life and realize there is so much more I want to do--so much more I want to accomplish! The whirlwind that is my life is not allowing me any time to do it! Even though teaching does bring some rewards, it is not my all-consuming passion. Coupled with the fact that it does not allow me the time I need to take care of myself or my family well, teaching does not feel like a good choice for me at present. The past year has been especially bad for me as I struggle with depression, anxiety and nervousness from the weight of it all.
I realize this is no way to live. I have prayed endlessly to God about what I do want. I want to have time to take care of myself and my family. I want to be financially independent. I want to write. I want to motivate others to change what they don't like about themselves and live lives of empowerment. I want to be free of the chains that have bound me--chains I know I have placed on myself.
Lately in my meditation when I have taken the time to listen to the silence, I have felt a response to my ever questioning need--GO FOR IT! MAKE THE CHANGE! It is a calm, reassuring voice, and from past experience it is a voice I know I can trust. It has always proven reliable in the past.
It is a leap of faith. The only thing I've known and really trusted to bring me the income I need to live on is a regular 9 to 5 sort of job. The thought of having the rely on myself scares me to death. I question whether or not I have the ability to stay with it and thrive. Still, I know I have to try.
This blog is my journey. It is time for me to break out of that cocoon I have placed around myself and wake up to the world of possibilities and dreams. Time for me to fly. It's time for you to fly too.

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