I've always thought of myself as a fairly talented person. I write a bit better than average, I possess a flair for teaching and presenting, and I've received my fair share of praise for the occasional solos I sing. I've also managed to single-handedly raise three children, two of whom are special needs, while working fulltime. These are all things I've wanted to do, yet I still find myself wanting to do more--especially now that I am looking at the reality of an empty nest in just a few short years. It's been a challenge for me to decide on what to do during the next phase of my life. I want so much to make a difference--to find my true calling. I've struggled with this puzzle for the past several years and have only recently come to a very startling conclusion. My confusion over my next purpose stems directly from the fact I have talent I have not fully accepted or allowed, but which will be critical in this new phase.
From the time I was a small child, I have always been very sensitive to others. I know what to say when someone needs encouragement, and I understand how to cheer them up when they are down. In my younger days, I played the role of defender of the underdog when I saw another child being unfairly picked on. I do this because I can feel others' pain and will do everything in my power to help change it. There are even times when these feelings are so strong I know what people are thinking. I may not always say what I know, but not a lot gets past my notice. This gift has also gotten me into trouble at times.
While I understand I can do all this, my acceptance of it has been limited by my religious upbringing. In some circles, I would be called clairsentient or an empath. From my Christian background, I could only accept that I was occasionally "under the influence of the Holy Spirit". (Just to clarify something, I do believe psychic ability stems from the ability to connect with the Divine and that all people have the ability to connect.) Any other explanation was taboo. Consequently, the ability to feel things beyond myself was not a particularly desirable trait and it did not fit into my well-ordered, mainstream life.
I did try to address this in my earlier years. I got a degree in psychology thinking I would become a counselor to help people with their problems. Then I found my rewarding role as parent, which side-tracked me a bit. When I went to re-evaluate getting a counseling degree later, I realized I did not like traditional therapy because of its drawn out process and questionable results.
The past few months, I have worked on strengthening this talent by intentionally giving "readings" to friends and others who want some intuitive guidance. I have been somewhat startled on occasion by what I have picked up, and I have gotten some very positive feedback. This, coupled with some intuitive advice I have received from others who are sensitive, has made it clear I am to use this gift in the future to help others.
I'm still not certain exactly what I am supposed to do with it, nor am I certain it will be part of my professional career. I just know that it is important to my purpose and that accepting it as part of myself is key to its development and eventual use.
So yes, I'm psychic, clairsentient, empathic, Spirit-filled or whatever you want to call it. You can negate it, deny it or push it (or me) away, or you can accept it and allow it to help you on your journey. Whatever you decide is quite okay. You have your own journey, as I have mine. My job now is to embrace my gift so I can use it to complete my purpose. I will resist no longer. Once again, I am discovering how allowing all that is can clear the way for more blessings to flow.