My stress level has reached critical mass these past few weeks. Now that the holiday season is over, my husband's seasonal job is over and my hours have been drastically reduced. We still have a couple other forms of income, but those just barely cover the regular bills. There isn't any extra for little things like food or gasoline. To complicate matters further, my husband doesn't seem to want to work (some depression may be involved).
Then there's the fact that I have spent the past several years diligently searching for my life's purpose. During the course of this journey, I have been given some new perspectives which have totally changed me as I have been forced to redefine myself. There are several things I have concluded about my life's work. I want to write. (This has actually been true since I was twelve.) I want to teach spiritual principles and get paid to do so. The kicker is, just this week I was inspired with an idea for a book which would combine the two in a very entertaining way. For the first time in my life ideas flowed in amazing ways, and details came that made my story seem real. I am honestly feeling Divinely led and inspired.
So what's the problem? Basically, my worldly wisdom, which I have relied on for years, has kicked into high gear. It takes weeks if not months to write a decent novel, especially one that involves deep spiritual principles. Then there's the problem of actually getting an agent to represent it and a publisher who may want to tackle it. As an unknown writer, this is a huge hurdle. If all that isn't bad enough, it would take much longer to sell it to the public and even then it might not take off. It could be a very long time before I see any reward from my current labor.
On the other hand, my intuition is saying, "Trust in the Divine. You have been inspired with this brilliant vehicle geared to exactly what you dream of doing in life. Take it one day at a time. The Universe will conspire together to make it all happen for you." I do believe the dreams we have are Divinely inspired and that when we truly believe in our dreams the circumstances for allowing those dreams to come true show up.
To follow this dream, more than mere faith is required. It involves an inner knowing that this is the way things are meant to be. You have to feel that the Universe is standing behind you, cheering you on and providing for your needs along the way. For me, it feels like jumping into a treacherous ravine intentionally. Still, if I don't take the chance, am I doomed to failure of my life's work? I close my mind to what the world teaches, trusting the Divine to catch me in midair as I transition from reliance on worldly thought to reliance on inspired thought.