Jumping In the Deep End

I've done it this time. I jumped in the deep end not knowing if I could actually swim. As a matter of fact, all former indications would seem to signal no, and I jumped in anyway. This is the way of the heart. The mind signals "Danger! Warning! Don't Go There!" based on previous learning experiences. The heart, on the other hand, knows what it wants, and it is often in direct opposition to what the mind wants. The struggle between the two causes anxiety and confusion in those it affects. Jumping in the deep end is usually a scary proposition.

Recently, my high stress, low pay job being a daycare teacher became too much for me to handle anymore, so I quit. I was so scared to do it, knowing that it would be difficult to find any job in a different field in this poor ecomony. Still, I knew if I continued on that path it would just be more of the same. It would kill me eventually--my spirit if not my body.

I began to search inside myself for answers, knowing connecting within is the key to connecting to Source. As I opened my heart, my dreams and passions took hold. I have always wanted to be in business for myself. I have always wanted to be a motivational speaker. In the past, I have toyed with the concept of direct sales, believing strongly you can earn a livable income if you apply yourself. It also has elements of both my dreams. I found a great company selling all natural foods that lined up with my core values a few years back. My heart shouted, "Now is the time to truly commit!" My mind on the other hand was once again filled with doubts, ranging from, "You've never been able to do this before", to ,"You don't deserve to succeed." Having worked to release much of this negativity in the past year, I decided to go with my heart. 

You stand at the top looking down at the water. It's a long way down. The pool is a little cloudy at the deep end. You're not sure if there are rocks below the surface that could injure you. Still, you are sure it can be done. You may even be aware of other people who have done it before you with great success. With determination, you make the decision to take the plunge. The fall is a little out-of-control, but there is also a rush of excitement as you leave the security of the rock behind. You splash in the water, start to sink, and flail about until you find the exact movement that brings you back to the surface. Treading water can initially be hard, but in the end you become stronger. You may even learn to float. At this point you realize: the water is is cool and comfortable and a good place to be. Jumping in the deep end is a funny thing. The only real scary part about it is contemplating the actual leap.

If your heart tells you to do something, don't think. You may talk yourself out of it. Just jump. Once you get your bearings, the water below is cool and comfortable.

It Isn't About You!

Part of this human experience is to live in the world, and in this world we get hurt. Often this hurt stems from something another person does--an unkind word, a lie, a betrayal, etc. Conflict arises when we take offense to these hurts, but does it have to? Can we avoid this conflict? I believe we can. Avoiding conflict is as simple as being mindful of your focus. All you need to remember is that it isn't about you!

This point was made abundantly clear while listening to Jennifer McLean's Body Dialoging session from Sept. 11th on her Masterworks Healing membership site. (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/) It began with a prayer for the 9/11 disaster and what this ordeal taught us on a global level and continued on to show what we can learn from individual conflict. People who commit painful actions are acting from a need within themselves which cries out for acknowledgement. Your victimhood lies in the fact you were around when that pain was expressed! Instead of automatically assuming the expression of pain was to hurt you, you are free to see the pain for what it is: their pain! It isn't about you! When you see their pain for what it is, it ceases to hurt you! Acknowledge that part of their human experience and remember that underneath the pain is a being of love and light.

As we learn to interact and cope in the world, it is easy to get hurt by the things others do. Just remember: their actions are only a reflection of how they have learned to cope in the world. Acknowledge their pain, but go beyond the tension to see the light within. The road to peace and understanding shows up when your focus is on others. It isn't about you!

The Difference Between the Heart and Mind

For months I have heard abundance experts talk about how important it is to be present in your body and allow yourself to act through your heart in order to live in "flow". While I have been heeding this advice and making a conscious decision to be present and act from my heart, I found I was still missing pieces to the puzzle. Most of my decisions are based on my rational thought--my mind. Today, I believe I have found a missing piece connecting another large portion of the whole.

I took the time to listen to a Body Dialoging session with Jennifer McLean on her Masterworks Healing membership site (http://www.masterworkshealing.com/) from this past Saturday, which just happened to be 9/11. The call was all about being present in your body and being in flow, but this time it was different. As I allowed myself to participate and went from being present in my body to being outside it and back again, I finally grasped what I had not been able to before. When you are in your rational mind, the mind throws barriers in your path in an act of self-preservation. These barriers are things like the prejudices we are taught or the negative perceptions we have about ourselves or others.  This is where your life's problems come from. This is where disease comes from. This is the seat of conflict. My "A-hah" moment came when I understood that all the problems in my life are outside of me!  I had always believed the turmoil was inside of me. Consequently, I would try to "escape" by using my imagination to leave my body, but in reality my "escape" was the place where conflict lives! At those times during the session when I was present in my body and living in my heart, there were no barriers, there was no conflict--only solutions, only peace, only love. It was powerful!

With this new understanding, I feel confident I can overcome the pitfalls in my life as I learn to stay present in my body and live from my heart. I know my heart is the source of my love, my peace, and my flow. My mind is what the world has taught me. I follow the path of least resistance.   

From Fear to Authenticity

I have walked this same path so many times I have lost count. I dream of a life much bigger than the one I currently live, yet each time I attempt to get there fear seems to take over and I find myself back in the same old rut. Every time I fall back into this rut, I fall back into a deeper state of depression, knowing that out there somewhere is the life I should be living. My fear keeps me from becoming the person I was meant to be--my authentic self.

This point was driven home this morning while listening to another of Jennifer McLean's wonderful Healing With the Masters interviews (to listen to this resource for FREE go to http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/ and sign up!). Sonia Choquette(Traveling at the Speed of Love), an insightful intuition teacher, talked about the battle between our earthbound egos and our spiritbound authentic selves. The earthbound ego places limits on the choices we make and consequently keeps our authentic selves boxed up if we let our egos rule us. Our egos tell us things like, "you don't deserve it" or "it's just not practical". If we believe these things, we don't listen to our dreams. Our dreams are what the authentic self uses to guide us to the lives we were meant to live.

I have prayed for months for help in finding my authentic self and living my dreams. As usual, I am stubborn and not listening and have finally been brought to a state containing enough pain that I felt I had no option but to quit the life my ego has been telling me to live! Let me explain: my authentic self has told me for years that I need to work for myself in order to achieve the life I want. Still, I continue to make a sure buck working a low paying, high stress job. Last week, between the stresses of the job and stresses at home, my boss suggested I take a week off to get myself together. I was upset at first, but then I realized that this was indeed my time to assess my current situation. My dream job has the following elements: time to think, plan, study and grow and involves teaching others how to evolve themselves. My current job will never get me there! Also, I know my current job will only bring me more stress and trouble, and that is not a state I wish to continue in. As a result, I quit the "sure money" in order to pursue something more in line with my dreams.

I have an old high school friend I admire greatly--probably because he is so authentic. He has lived a unique, exciting and successful life in many ways, and it is precisely because he is not afraid to listen to his dreams and does not let his ego limit him. He makes mistakes, but he learns from them and goes on. Intuitively, he knows that mistakes are important for growth.

I'd like to say I am currently on my way to living the life of my dreams. The battle now, as it has always been, is which part of myself to listen to--fear or authenticity. As I learn to tune out the fear and follow my dreams, my purpose in life becomes fulfilled.