My blog has been strangely silent this week. I haven't felt particularly compelled to write about anything in particular, which is really odd for me. I have also felt myself sleeping more than usual. Under different circumstances, I might suppose I am depressed again, but I have been waking up in the mornings exceptioinally happy and eager for the day to get started. After talking to a few friends and reading a favorite blogger who seems to be experiencing a similar bout of writer's block, I am convinced there is more here than meets the eye. I believe many of us are in what I am calling "download" mode.
In my meditation times when I focus on connecting to God, I have noticed my senses being totally consumed by feelings of strength, wholeness, and well-being. Ideas seem to flow into my consciousness so quickly I barely have time to acknowledge them before new ones take their place. They don't seem to stay in my consciousness for any length of time, although I know they are still there, somewhere in my psyche.
I also seem to be doing a lot more sleeping lately, and I am remembering more and more of my dreams. I am of the belief that dreams are an important part of life. My theory is that sleeping and dreams are God's built in system for communicating with people--a connection everyone has to Source. This is why people who are sleep deprived (and don't dream) go insane. They have lost their innate connection to God.
When I look at what is occuring in my own life,coupled with similarities in the lives of many of my friends, I come to one simple conclusion. We are being given extra information from the world of spirit in order to cope with the changes taking place in the world today. The inactivity is not time wasted. It is time spent learning. We are preparing for the big test!
If you are also in "download" mode, don't fight it! Go with it! Know that you are being given all that you need to play your part in the life that is to come! Recognize it and appreciate it for what it is: the gift of insight.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Meditation, Intuition and Thomas Edison
Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb, had a napping habit which he was often teased about. As the story goes, he kept a rocking chair in his office, which he would use for these infamous naps. In one hand he would hold a rock. Beside the chair, underneath the hand with the rock, was a metal pail. The idea behind the pail was that if he fell far enough asleep for the rock to drop out of his hand, the sound of the rock hitting the pail would wake him back up. Does this make Edison the inventor of the "power nap"? Possibly. I am convinced there is a whole lot more to the story than meets the eye. I believe Edison used his naps to tap into the wisdom of his intuition. He used these "naps" to tap into the mind of God.
Years ago, I discovered there is a place just between awake and asleep where I would occasionally see visions or have an inspired idea. I see this as the place where we can actually tap into the mind of the One--the mind of God. Christians might call it the Holy Spirit. Scientists might call it the Zero-Point Field or the Matrix. It is that which flows in and through all things. Over time, I have tried to tune into this field in order to gain insight and wisdom from that place where truth exists, unfettered by the teachings of this world.
My research has led me to the field of brainwave states. Everything in this world, whether it be a grain of sand or a tree or emotions or a human being, emits an energy frequency or a vibration which is measurable. (For a really cool video where you can actually see the effects of sound frequencies watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO0bSSXmr1A) The mind itself also emits frequencies, called brainwave states. There are four different brainwave states that occur naturally: beta, alpha, theta and delta. Adults spend most of their waking time in the beta state, which is a very active, alert and engaged state. The alpha state is a slower, more contemplative state. Theta is a slower state than alpha and is characterized by the free flow of ideas. This can sometimes be associated with daydreaming, although I would also say this is where your greatest ideas often come from. Delta is the deep sleep stage.
I believe the best place to be when you want to consciously connect to God is in a theta state. Interestingly enough, I recently learned that children under the age of six or seven spend a majority of their time in a theta state. As I have always considered small children to be highly spiritual creatures ("be as a little child" Christ taught), this confirmed much of what I already held true. Ever notice times when you were in the shower or nearly asleep when you got a great idea or some insight into a problem? You were probably in a theta state. Just think what could be possible when you intentionally disengage your mind and focus on letting the mind of God in! Solutions to what seemed like impossible problems would come! Insights into truth would show up! In short, the world would be a very different place.
I am convinced Thomas Edison used his "naps" to work out solutions to his inventions' problems. He used the rock so that he didn't fall too deeply asleep! Look back at how much Edison accomplished in his lifetime. In order to do this, he put himself in a meditative state where he could access his intuition--which in my mind is another term for the mind of God. As humans, we all have this ability to connect to this unseen force. We just have to learn to harness it.
Years ago, I discovered there is a place just between awake and asleep where I would occasionally see visions or have an inspired idea. I see this as the place where we can actually tap into the mind of the One--the mind of God. Christians might call it the Holy Spirit. Scientists might call it the Zero-Point Field or the Matrix. It is that which flows in and through all things. Over time, I have tried to tune into this field in order to gain insight and wisdom from that place where truth exists, unfettered by the teachings of this world.
My research has led me to the field of brainwave states. Everything in this world, whether it be a grain of sand or a tree or emotions or a human being, emits an energy frequency or a vibration which is measurable. (For a really cool video where you can actually see the effects of sound frequencies watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nO0bSSXmr1A) The mind itself also emits frequencies, called brainwave states. There are four different brainwave states that occur naturally: beta, alpha, theta and delta. Adults spend most of their waking time in the beta state, which is a very active, alert and engaged state. The alpha state is a slower, more contemplative state. Theta is a slower state than alpha and is characterized by the free flow of ideas. This can sometimes be associated with daydreaming, although I would also say this is where your greatest ideas often come from. Delta is the deep sleep stage.
I believe the best place to be when you want to consciously connect to God is in a theta state. Interestingly enough, I recently learned that children under the age of six or seven spend a majority of their time in a theta state. As I have always considered small children to be highly spiritual creatures ("be as a little child" Christ taught), this confirmed much of what I already held true. Ever notice times when you were in the shower or nearly asleep when you got a great idea or some insight into a problem? You were probably in a theta state. Just think what could be possible when you intentionally disengage your mind and focus on letting the mind of God in! Solutions to what seemed like impossible problems would come! Insights into truth would show up! In short, the world would be a very different place.
I am convinced Thomas Edison used his "naps" to work out solutions to his inventions' problems. He used the rock so that he didn't fall too deeply asleep! Look back at how much Edison accomplished in his lifetime. In order to do this, he put himself in a meditative state where he could access his intuition--which in my mind is another term for the mind of God. As humans, we all have this ability to connect to this unseen force. We just have to learn to harness it.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Raising The Standard
With all that tragedy that has hit Japan in recent weeks with the earthquake and tsunami, it's hard not to question the reasons for such an occurrence. Why would God allow such terrible things to happen to good people? For me, the answer lies not so much in what has been done to the Japanese people but in what the Japanese people have done for the rest of the world. Japan has set the standard in how we should all cope with the changing world. Japan has raised the bar.
I look at news reports and see the calmness--the accepting nature--of the Japanese people. They wait in long lines for food and gasoline, and they don't argue about the rations they are given. They accept the rolling blackouts with patience. Americans remark on the fact that there is no looting going on (which really is a sad commentary on the mentality of American people). I have been so impressed with Japan's grace under pressure and of the example they are setting for the whole world!
I believe we choose our roles in life. I believe the Japanese people volunteered to play this role for the rest of us. The earthquake and tsunami were not about punishment. They were a device used to show the world what could be accomplished through acceptance and cooperation. In the face of all the change taking place in the world today, the Japanese have set the example we should live by. A new standard has been raised. I just hope the rest of us can follow suit when our trials come. At least we know what can be accomplished in the chaos. Thank you, my Japanese friends! We are in your debt.
I look at news reports and see the calmness--the accepting nature--of the Japanese people. They wait in long lines for food and gasoline, and they don't argue about the rations they are given. They accept the rolling blackouts with patience. Americans remark on the fact that there is no looting going on (which really is a sad commentary on the mentality of American people). I have been so impressed with Japan's grace under pressure and of the example they are setting for the whole world!
I believe we choose our roles in life. I believe the Japanese people volunteered to play this role for the rest of us. The earthquake and tsunami were not about punishment. They were a device used to show the world what could be accomplished through acceptance and cooperation. In the face of all the change taking place in the world today, the Japanese have set the example we should live by. A new standard has been raised. I just hope the rest of us can follow suit when our trials come. At least we know what can be accomplished in the chaos. Thank you, my Japanese friends! We are in your debt.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
The Best Laid Plans
Today did not work out as planned. I meant to enjoy a leisurely day off, spending time meditating, running to a gift shop I especially like and possibly soaking up some sunshine. It started out well enough. I made some coffee, turned on the computer and began a little web surfing. All of a sudden the thought crossed my mind, "You need to log onto your work site and request time off for you niece's out-of-town baby shower." It was 9:30 in the morning. I logged on to the job site and up popped my work schedule, which highlighted the fact I was supposed to be at work today--at 9:30 in the morning!
Needless to say, my job frowns on coming to work late, but my first thought was, "I know I just checked my schedule a few days ago and I was not scheduled to work for another week!" I have some perfectionistic tendencies--especially revolving around work, and I was furious that I was going to be in trouble for coming in late. I quickly got dressed and did make it in within about half an hour, but I was still quite upset.
I was also a bit unsettled from the day before. I worked for a coworker that day, and I was so busy the whole time I was there I felt a bit disconnected from God--like I didn't have enough time to actively pay attention to Him. I have not quite achieved the vibration of feeling God in everything I do yet, and I was being pretty hard on myself over it. I thought I was going to have the day to get back into that mindset of flow, and now I had to work unexpectedly.
Fortunately, one of my supervisors was there when I got to work. I explained that I had checked the schedule just a few days ago and I was not on the schedule then. I didn't mind coming in, but it would have been nice to have received a phone call or an email letting me know about the last minute change. She didn't know what had happened, but did check into it. Sure enough, she told me my hours were in red, which meant they had just been put in the computer within the past day or two. She told me it wouldn't be counted against me, so I did feel a bit better about that.
Not long afterward, my supervisor sat me down for my annual job review (which went quite well considering I am a fairly new employee). I was scheduled to take a lunch break around that time, so I was down in the offices when I clocked out for lunch. I ran into one of the girls I had trained with a few months back who works in a different department. She was also just going to lunch so we decided to go together and catch up. As we sat down and began to talk, she told me she had just separated from her husband and had filed for divorce.
As she opened up to me with her story, it began to dawn on me why I had been assigned to come to work in the first place. Once again, God and my angels had orchestrated a divine appointment for me. I, too, have been through a divorce for very similar reasons. I too have lived as a single mom. I too have spent time trying to find my place in the world of work after being a stay at home mom. I know how important it is to have a support system of people who understand what you are going through when you endure an experience like that. We exchanged phone numbers and I encouraged her to call if she needed to talk. I thanked God I was placed at work at precisely the right time to connect with this friend so I could offer her what support I had to give.
Life definitely does not always turn out as planned. Sometimes, you find yourself on unexpected paths using your gifts and talents in ways you never dreamed possible. The best laid plans do occasionally go awry. When God intervenes, they come out better!
Needless to say, my job frowns on coming to work late, but my first thought was, "I know I just checked my schedule a few days ago and I was not scheduled to work for another week!" I have some perfectionistic tendencies--especially revolving around work, and I was furious that I was going to be in trouble for coming in late. I quickly got dressed and did make it in within about half an hour, but I was still quite upset.
I was also a bit unsettled from the day before. I worked for a coworker that day, and I was so busy the whole time I was there I felt a bit disconnected from God--like I didn't have enough time to actively pay attention to Him. I have not quite achieved the vibration of feeling God in everything I do yet, and I was being pretty hard on myself over it. I thought I was going to have the day to get back into that mindset of flow, and now I had to work unexpectedly.
Fortunately, one of my supervisors was there when I got to work. I explained that I had checked the schedule just a few days ago and I was not on the schedule then. I didn't mind coming in, but it would have been nice to have received a phone call or an email letting me know about the last minute change. She didn't know what had happened, but did check into it. Sure enough, she told me my hours were in red, which meant they had just been put in the computer within the past day or two. She told me it wouldn't be counted against me, so I did feel a bit better about that.
Not long afterward, my supervisor sat me down for my annual job review (which went quite well considering I am a fairly new employee). I was scheduled to take a lunch break around that time, so I was down in the offices when I clocked out for lunch. I ran into one of the girls I had trained with a few months back who works in a different department. She was also just going to lunch so we decided to go together and catch up. As we sat down and began to talk, she told me she had just separated from her husband and had filed for divorce.
As she opened up to me with her story, it began to dawn on me why I had been assigned to come to work in the first place. Once again, God and my angels had orchestrated a divine appointment for me. I, too, have been through a divorce for very similar reasons. I too have lived as a single mom. I too have spent time trying to find my place in the world of work after being a stay at home mom. I know how important it is to have a support system of people who understand what you are going through when you endure an experience like that. We exchanged phone numbers and I encouraged her to call if she needed to talk. I thanked God I was placed at work at precisely the right time to connect with this friend so I could offer her what support I had to give.
Life definitely does not always turn out as planned. Sometimes, you find yourself on unexpected paths using your gifts and talents in ways you never dreamed possible. The best laid plans do occasionally go awry. When God intervenes, they come out better!
Friday, March 18, 2011
The Angel Experiment
I have been "prompted" to pay attention to and follow the advice of my guides recently, and it has been quite an amazing ride. After listening to Jennifer McLean's interview with intuitive Sonia Choquette on Healing With the Masters (http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/) about connecting to your guides, I decided to make it into a little game I'm calling the Angel Experiment.
Bascially, the point of the Angel Experiment is to pay attention to those intuitive "nudges" I receive from those beings created by God to assist me on my earthly journey. I am intentionally believing they exist (regardless of what the world and my "rational" mind tell me) and am focusing on the fact they are here to help me. I am also consciously asking for their help and thanking them when that help shows up.
Yesterday, I began my day asking for guidance in everything I did--including the writing of my blog. Several good ideas came to mind, but none of them really became clear enough to write about. Out of the blue, I remembered the story of Pink Baby (check out yesterday's blogpost) and realized it was the perfect story to share. I thanked my guides and went on, quickly writing the blogpost.
I continued the process, asking my angels what I should do next. I needed to get some items at the grocery store, so I said, "If I am forgetting something important, please remind me when I'm at the store so I don't get home without it." I went to the store and began working down my list. I noticed cereal on the list, so I began to go down what I thought was the cereal aisle. About midway through, I realized I was in the baking aisle (which I had decided to avoid). I continued on down and stopped at the end of that aisle, trying to remember where I needed to go next. As I stood there, I looked up and the vanilla on the shelf "popped out" at me. I realized I had been wanting to make cookies for my kids recently but couldn't make them because I didn't have vanilla. I had forgotten it for several weeks. I thanked my guides for reminding me then went on to get the cereal.
As I was driving home, I thought to myself, "I need to make some more money" (probably prompted by the fact I had just spent a bunch of it at the store). I got home and unloaded my groceries. Within about ten minutes, I got a call from a phone number I didn't recognize. I don't like to pick those up fearing it's a telemarketer, but I noticed it said wireless caller so I did. It was one of my coworkers, asking if I would take her hours at work tomorrow! That didn't take long at all! I asked for more money, and there it was. I thanked my angels. Then I realized I should have been a little more specific when I asked for my money and told them I wanted to make money from my writing and not so much my part time job working in the department store. Still, I had asked, my angels came through, and I was grateful.
I took a walk with my husband a short time later in a wonderful wetlands area near our home. As I walked, I realized something extremely important. For years when I fantasized about my ideal life, several key components came to mind. I wanted to have plenty of time of pray, meditate and study--time to fill myself up instead of being constantly on the go. I wanted to be free to write when I chose, sleep when I chose, exercise when I chose, take a walk when I chose, etc. I wanted all this and to somehow have money to live on. Seemed like a pipe dream at the time, but as I walked with my husband I realized that I was indeed living this dream!
As I related all these things to my husband during our walk, I remembered another key point. My paternal grandmother was someone who saw the hand of God in everything that happened. Her whole life centered around the idea that God and his angels were always helping, in big ways or small. I knew this as a child, but as I grew up the "wisdom" of the world overcame this knowledge and I forgot. As a result, I lost much of the light and power I had when I was younger and this lack brought on years of depression as I was no longer in flow. It is my birthright to live in light and flow. It is my birthright to live with joy and passion!
Living in flow is everyone's birthright. It isn't just for those special beings of light. We are all called to lives of light and purpose. Knowing the Universe has your back can help. I encourage you to begin your own Angel Experiment if you are not already aware of your heavenly helpers. You will be amazed at how the world opens up and showers you with blessings!
Bascially, the point of the Angel Experiment is to pay attention to those intuitive "nudges" I receive from those beings created by God to assist me on my earthly journey. I am intentionally believing they exist (regardless of what the world and my "rational" mind tell me) and am focusing on the fact they are here to help me. I am also consciously asking for their help and thanking them when that help shows up.
Yesterday, I began my day asking for guidance in everything I did--including the writing of my blog. Several good ideas came to mind, but none of them really became clear enough to write about. Out of the blue, I remembered the story of Pink Baby (check out yesterday's blogpost) and realized it was the perfect story to share. I thanked my guides and went on, quickly writing the blogpost.
I continued the process, asking my angels what I should do next. I needed to get some items at the grocery store, so I said, "If I am forgetting something important, please remind me when I'm at the store so I don't get home without it." I went to the store and began working down my list. I noticed cereal on the list, so I began to go down what I thought was the cereal aisle. About midway through, I realized I was in the baking aisle (which I had decided to avoid). I continued on down and stopped at the end of that aisle, trying to remember where I needed to go next. As I stood there, I looked up and the vanilla on the shelf "popped out" at me. I realized I had been wanting to make cookies for my kids recently but couldn't make them because I didn't have vanilla. I had forgotten it for several weeks. I thanked my guides for reminding me then went on to get the cereal.
As I was driving home, I thought to myself, "I need to make some more money" (probably prompted by the fact I had just spent a bunch of it at the store). I got home and unloaded my groceries. Within about ten minutes, I got a call from a phone number I didn't recognize. I don't like to pick those up fearing it's a telemarketer, but I noticed it said wireless caller so I did. It was one of my coworkers, asking if I would take her hours at work tomorrow! That didn't take long at all! I asked for more money, and there it was. I thanked my angels. Then I realized I should have been a little more specific when I asked for my money and told them I wanted to make money from my writing and not so much my part time job working in the department store. Still, I had asked, my angels came through, and I was grateful.
I took a walk with my husband a short time later in a wonderful wetlands area near our home. As I walked, I realized something extremely important. For years when I fantasized about my ideal life, several key components came to mind. I wanted to have plenty of time of pray, meditate and study--time to fill myself up instead of being constantly on the go. I wanted to be free to write when I chose, sleep when I chose, exercise when I chose, take a walk when I chose, etc. I wanted all this and to somehow have money to live on. Seemed like a pipe dream at the time, but as I walked with my husband I realized that I was indeed living this dream!
As I related all these things to my husband during our walk, I remembered another key point. My paternal grandmother was someone who saw the hand of God in everything that happened. Her whole life centered around the idea that God and his angels were always helping, in big ways or small. I knew this as a child, but as I grew up the "wisdom" of the world overcame this knowledge and I forgot. As a result, I lost much of the light and power I had when I was younger and this lack brought on years of depression as I was no longer in flow. It is my birthright to live in light and flow. It is my birthright to live with joy and passion!
Living in flow is everyone's birthright. It isn't just for those special beings of light. We are all called to lives of light and purpose. Knowing the Universe has your back can help. I encourage you to begin your own Angel Experiment if you are not already aware of your heavenly helpers. You will be amazed at how the world opens up and showers you with blessings!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Divine Help
I just got done listening to a recording of my favorite online teleseminar series, Healing With the Masters led by Jennifer McLean (http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/). This particular interview was with Sonia Choquette, who is a gifted intuitive and an extremely funny and down-to-earth person. The topic of the interview was learning to listen to your guides (angels, voice of God, higher self, etc.), and it really helped me focus once again on actively seeking that Divine help for insight into everything I do--even the little things that often seem of no consequence.
As I listened to the interview, I would stop frequently to take notes but also to hone in to what my intuition was telling me to do in the present moment. I have been attempting to listen to my guidance in regards to this blog anyway because it seems to be working for me! (That is why I ended up doing the series on my cult experiences--I felt the whispers of God pulling me there.) Sonia talked a lot about angel intervention and how the angels are always there waiting to help you, wanting to help you. It took me back to a time in my own life where the angels were there for me and my daughter in a most surprising (and amusing) way.
My daughter, Afton, had been given a pink rag doll by her paternal grandmother shortly after her birth. She loved it from the very beginning and had to take it everywhere. For many years it was her security blanket. We all referred to it as "Pink Baby".
When Afton was around four or five, we drove from Georgia to Michigan to attend a family camp sponsored by my church. We had a wonderful, uplifting week after which we drove home. Somewhere around southern Ohio, we discovered Pink Baby was missing, and my daughter got quite upset. We were caravanning with friends and had elected to stay overnight at a hotel because we felt too tired to drive all the way back to Georgia. Once we settled in, I went back to the car and tore it up three different times, looking for Pink Baby. I searched it all--front seat, back seat, under seats, the trunk, etc. Pink Baby was nowhere to be found.
During my week at camp, I had felt the presence of heavenly beings and knew they were nearby. It may have seemed like a small thing, but Pink Baby was very important to my daughter. I said a prayer that, somehow, Pink Baby would be returned to us. Then I settled in for a very tearful night.
The next morning I got the kids and myself ready, packed up and headed out to begin putting our things back in the car. As I unlocked the car (which had been locked up all night), I happened to look in the back seat. There, lying right on top, was Pink Baby. Relief flooded my being as I realized her return could only have been due to my heavenly helpers. I said an extremely grateful prayer of thanks and finished packing everything up.
In the rush of our lives, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that our unseen helpers are there in the background keeping a watchful eye on us. The thing is, they were designed to help us by guiding us and making our paths a little smoother and easier. It is only when we take the time to look for and acknowledge our Divine help that it shows up in very powerful ways. Take the time to pay attention today! You may be surprised by the ease and grace with which your life begins to flow.
As I listened to the interview, I would stop frequently to take notes but also to hone in to what my intuition was telling me to do in the present moment. I have been attempting to listen to my guidance in regards to this blog anyway because it seems to be working for me! (That is why I ended up doing the series on my cult experiences--I felt the whispers of God pulling me there.) Sonia talked a lot about angel intervention and how the angels are always there waiting to help you, wanting to help you. It took me back to a time in my own life where the angels were there for me and my daughter in a most surprising (and amusing) way.
My daughter, Afton, had been given a pink rag doll by her paternal grandmother shortly after her birth. She loved it from the very beginning and had to take it everywhere. For many years it was her security blanket. We all referred to it as "Pink Baby".
When Afton was around four or five, we drove from Georgia to Michigan to attend a family camp sponsored by my church. We had a wonderful, uplifting week after which we drove home. Somewhere around southern Ohio, we discovered Pink Baby was missing, and my daughter got quite upset. We were caravanning with friends and had elected to stay overnight at a hotel because we felt too tired to drive all the way back to Georgia. Once we settled in, I went back to the car and tore it up three different times, looking for Pink Baby. I searched it all--front seat, back seat, under seats, the trunk, etc. Pink Baby was nowhere to be found.
During my week at camp, I had felt the presence of heavenly beings and knew they were nearby. It may have seemed like a small thing, but Pink Baby was very important to my daughter. I said a prayer that, somehow, Pink Baby would be returned to us. Then I settled in for a very tearful night.
The next morning I got the kids and myself ready, packed up and headed out to begin putting our things back in the car. As I unlocked the car (which had been locked up all night), I happened to look in the back seat. There, lying right on top, was Pink Baby. Relief flooded my being as I realized her return could only have been due to my heavenly helpers. I said an extremely grateful prayer of thanks and finished packing everything up.
In the rush of our lives, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that our unseen helpers are there in the background keeping a watchful eye on us. The thing is, they were designed to help us by guiding us and making our paths a little smoother and easier. It is only when we take the time to look for and acknowledge our Divine help that it shows up in very powerful ways. Take the time to pay attention today! You may be surprised by the ease and grace with which your life begins to flow.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tragedy...The Will of God?
Little Karen Avery is on my mind once again this morning. If you haven't read any of my previous posts on my experiences with the Jeff Lundgren cult, Karen was the youngest victim to be murdered by Jeff along with the rest of her family. In some ways, Karen could be the poster child for all the evil and tragedy that exists in the world. It is so difficult to understand how God could let such terrible things happen. How could the murder of little Karen Avery be the will of a loving God? Doesn't such an occurence argue more favorably for a God of anger and vengance? It often seems that way in our limited, human understanding.
Once again in my mind's eye, I hear Karen talk to me. "This is not about what God did to me! I chose this path! This was what I volunteered to do to help set others free! This was what I did so people could dialogue and learn about issues like justice and anger and control. I died so others could learn their life lessons! I died because I love!"
I believe this earthly life is designed for learning and growth. We plan our experiences in great detail, knowing the experiences are not always meant to be pleasant but can always be used to further our understanding. This belief contradicts the belief in an all-powerful God who orchestrates every situation--the way many people seem to view God. This is not to say I don't believe in the hand of God to move on our behalf. God will act on our behalf when we ask Him to. Rather, I think we are given much more power and choice to act in this world than that notion implies--even the power to create. Free will wallks hand in hand with the act of creation.
Acts of senseless violence and destruction occur all the time. US Representative Gabrielle Giffords was shot and many people were killed or injured in that tragic Tuscon attack. Thousands of people have died in the recent earthquakes and tsunami in Japan. On a smaller scale, people die in car accidents or in tornados. Some are killed in wars or in drug deals. What we judge to be bad or evil is not the wrath of an angry, all-powerful God but the natural flow of experience which is designed to take us to higher states of awareness. It is only when we internalize this idea that we see tragedy for what it is: the process we use to gain strength and wisdom. This is why we are counseled to "praise God for all things".
Maybe tragedy is the will of God--a God who loves us and desires our increasing understanding and growth.
Once again in my mind's eye, I hear Karen talk to me. "This is not about what God did to me! I chose this path! This was what I volunteered to do to help set others free! This was what I did so people could dialogue and learn about issues like justice and anger and control. I died so others could learn their life lessons! I died because I love!"
I believe this earthly life is designed for learning and growth. We plan our experiences in great detail, knowing the experiences are not always meant to be pleasant but can always be used to further our understanding. This belief contradicts the belief in an all-powerful God who orchestrates every situation--the way many people seem to view God. This is not to say I don't believe in the hand of God to move on our behalf. God will act on our behalf when we ask Him to. Rather, I think we are given much more power and choice to act in this world than that notion implies--even the power to create. Free will wallks hand in hand with the act of creation.
Acts of senseless violence and destruction occur all the time. US Representative Gabrielle Giffords was shot and many people were killed or injured in that tragic Tuscon attack. Thousands of people have died in the recent earthquakes and tsunami in Japan. On a smaller scale, people die in car accidents or in tornados. Some are killed in wars or in drug deals. What we judge to be bad or evil is not the wrath of an angry, all-powerful God but the natural flow of experience which is designed to take us to higher states of awareness. It is only when we internalize this idea that we see tragedy for what it is: the process we use to gain strength and wisdom. This is why we are counseled to "praise God for all things".
Maybe tragedy is the will of God--a God who loves us and desires our increasing understanding and growth.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 21)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Of Death and Freedom
I've spent a large portion of time raging over the sins of Jeff Lundgren. Murder, abuse, lies, theft, just to name a few, have all made me feel the need for justice where he is concerned. Jeff hurt many more people than just the five Averys when he took their lives--family and friends left behind, his blinded followers who ended up in prison, law enforcement officials who had to deal with the trauma of recovering the bodies. The tentacles of this one event were far reaching and devastating on many levels. There were many years I was glad Jeff received the death penalty. He had hurt so many people. It seemed just for someone who had spilled so much innocent blood.
Then I learned from my family in Ohio that Jeff had finally run out of appeals, and the date of his execution had been set. Even though I had no personal contact with Jeff for almost eighteen years, it seemed strange I could actually know someone who would be executed on death row. No longer was I insulated from the
death penalty by some anonymous monster. This one had a face and a name, and I knew it well.
As the date for Jeff's execution approached, I began to feel a dull, queasy ache in the pit of my stomach every time I thought of his impending death. It began to dawn on me that something about this was not right. Something besides myself was speaking to me, the voice growing louder as I began to recognize it. As horrible as all the suffering Jeff had caused was, it could never be "righted" by killing him. Actions taken in revenge only perpetuate revenge. In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. "Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
Jeff was put to death on October 24th, 2006. To this day I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing as Jeff lay dying by lethal injection. I was interacting with my students in my job as Pre K teacher in the Georgia Pre K Program. I can still see the clock I kept watching on the wall of my classroom, wondering if it was over yet.
The face of little Karen Avery haunted me for years. She was four when I first met her, an angelically beautiful child born into a rather common family. It was her death especially that kept me awake on those sleepless nights I could not get away from the tragedy.
In my mind's eye, I see her still, smiling her beautiful shy smile. There is no hate there. There is love. There is peace. There is forgiveness. I hear her calling to me, "Don't let my death be about revenge. I died for love. I died so that others could be set free from the power Jeff had over them. Tell your story, Cindy, because by telling yours, you tell mine." Peace washes over me.
I will never be totally free from all that transpired in my experiences with Jeff Lundgren and his cult, but I don't think I am meant to be. I believe it is my job to share my story with others in the hope they will understand the importance of relying on their own personal relationship with the Divine instead of relying on the wisdom of another imperfect human. It is in this way we are able to rise above the limitations of this world, into the freedom of the Infinite.
Of Death and Freedom
I've spent a large portion of time raging over the sins of Jeff Lundgren. Murder, abuse, lies, theft, just to name a few, have all made me feel the need for justice where he is concerned. Jeff hurt many more people than just the five Averys when he took their lives--family and friends left behind, his blinded followers who ended up in prison, law enforcement officials who had to deal with the trauma of recovering the bodies. The tentacles of this one event were far reaching and devastating on many levels. There were many years I was glad Jeff received the death penalty. He had hurt so many people. It seemed just for someone who had spilled so much innocent blood.
Then I learned from my family in Ohio that Jeff had finally run out of appeals, and the date of his execution had been set. Even though I had no personal contact with Jeff for almost eighteen years, it seemed strange I could actually know someone who would be executed on death row. No longer was I insulated from the
death penalty by some anonymous monster. This one had a face and a name, and I knew it well.
As the date for Jeff's execution approached, I began to feel a dull, queasy ache in the pit of my stomach every time I thought of his impending death. It began to dawn on me that something about this was not right. Something besides myself was speaking to me, the voice growing louder as I began to recognize it. As horrible as all the suffering Jeff had caused was, it could never be "righted" by killing him. Actions taken in revenge only perpetuate revenge. In the words of Martin Luther King, Jr. "Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
Jeff was put to death on October 24th, 2006. To this day I can tell you exactly where I was and what I was doing as Jeff lay dying by lethal injection. I was interacting with my students in my job as Pre K teacher in the Georgia Pre K Program. I can still see the clock I kept watching on the wall of my classroom, wondering if it was over yet.
The face of little Karen Avery haunted me for years. She was four when I first met her, an angelically beautiful child born into a rather common family. It was her death especially that kept me awake on those sleepless nights I could not get away from the tragedy.
In my mind's eye, I see her still, smiling her beautiful shy smile. There is no hate there. There is love. There is peace. There is forgiveness. I hear her calling to me, "Don't let my death be about revenge. I died for love. I died so that others could be set free from the power Jeff had over them. Tell your story, Cindy, because by telling yours, you tell mine." Peace washes over me.
I will never be totally free from all that transpired in my experiences with Jeff Lundgren and his cult, but I don't think I am meant to be. I believe it is my job to share my story with others in the hope they will understand the importance of relying on their own personal relationship with the Divine instead of relying on the wisdom of another imperfect human. It is in this way we are able to rise above the limitations of this world, into the freedom of the Infinite.
Monday, March 14, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 20)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
There Are Many Prisons
People were outraged by the deaths of the Avery family, especially the deaths of the three girls--ruthlessly snuffed out before they had even had a chance at life. It is difficult for most people to comprehend how anyone could so callously kill five innocent people, believing it to be the will of God. Cries for justice rang out in the sentencing of all those involved in the deaths. The long arm of the law met those demands.
Those who were directly involved in the crime received anywhere from seven years to life on each count they were convicted on, the charges including conspiracy to commit aggravated murder, kidnapping, and aggravated murder. Most received plea deals for testifying for the prosecution. Many of them have been described as model prisoners. A few of them have finally won parole after serving twenty years in prison. Their paroles have been vigorously protested by many over the years (my aunts have kept me up on the local news), although I firmly believe none of them pose a threat to society. Some of them will never be eligble for parole.
The sentence of Damon Lundgren, Jeff's oldest son, is probably the hardest one for me to take. He was only eighteen when the murders took place, and he had little control over the situation. He was trained to be the obedient son, and he learned the lessons of violence and abuse well. Damon never had a chance. He will serve the rest of his life in prison.
Alice Lundgren was sentenced to 150 years to life. I'm not sure how I feel about her sentence, even after all these years. Part of me understands she also suffered years of abuse at the hands of her husband. Part of me thinks she was/is manipulative. Sometimes I think she really wanted to believe Jeff was a prophet of God and deluded herself into thinking he was. It don't harbor any ill will towards Alice. I just don't feel I can trust her.
Jeff Lundgren was sentenced to death and died by lethal injection in October of 2006 after almost sixteen years on Ohio's death row. My thoughts here are many and diverse and deserve their own post.
I have never been behind bars. I can't begin to comprehend what sort of experiences these friends went through in prison because they believed in Jeff Lundgren, although I do have some understanding of the mindset that took them there. That group mentality--that brainwashing--is in its own way a sort of prison. It's a prison of the mind, but a very powerful sort of prison nonetheless.
The reality of this world is, we all have prisons of our own choosing. Some of them are physical. Some of them are not. All of them restrict in one way or another. One of my self-made prisons has been to hide this part of myself from the world. Freedom from your prisons comes from shining light on those dark places and acknowledging and accepting them as part of yourself. It is only through embracing our own darkness that it no longer has any power over us, and we are finally free.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-21.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders
.)
There Are Many Prisons
People were outraged by the deaths of the Avery family, especially the deaths of the three girls--ruthlessly snuffed out before they had even had a chance at life. It is difficult for most people to comprehend how anyone could so callously kill five innocent people, believing it to be the will of God. Cries for justice rang out in the sentencing of all those involved in the deaths. The long arm of the law met those demands.
Those who were directly involved in the crime received anywhere from seven years to life on each count they were convicted on, the charges including conspiracy to commit aggravated murder, kidnapping, and aggravated murder. Most received plea deals for testifying for the prosecution. Many of them have been described as model prisoners. A few of them have finally won parole after serving twenty years in prison. Their paroles have been vigorously protested by many over the years (my aunts have kept me up on the local news), although I firmly believe none of them pose a threat to society. Some of them will never be eligble for parole.
The sentence of Damon Lundgren, Jeff's oldest son, is probably the hardest one for me to take. He was only eighteen when the murders took place, and he had little control over the situation. He was trained to be the obedient son, and he learned the lessons of violence and abuse well. Damon never had a chance. He will serve the rest of his life in prison.
Alice Lundgren was sentenced to 150 years to life. I'm not sure how I feel about her sentence, even after all these years. Part of me understands she also suffered years of abuse at the hands of her husband. Part of me thinks she was/is manipulative. Sometimes I think she really wanted to believe Jeff was a prophet of God and deluded herself into thinking he was. It don't harbor any ill will towards Alice. I just don't feel I can trust her.
Jeff Lundgren was sentenced to death and died by lethal injection in October of 2006 after almost sixteen years on Ohio's death row. My thoughts here are many and diverse and deserve their own post.
I have never been behind bars. I can't begin to comprehend what sort of experiences these friends went through in prison because they believed in Jeff Lundgren, although I do have some understanding of the mindset that took them there. That group mentality--that brainwashing--is in its own way a sort of prison. It's a prison of the mind, but a very powerful sort of prison nonetheless.
The reality of this world is, we all have prisons of our own choosing. Some of them are physical. Some of them are not. All of them restrict in one way or another. One of my self-made prisons has been to hide this part of myself from the world. Freedom from your prisons comes from shining light on those dark places and acknowledging and accepting them as part of yourself. It is only through embracing our own darkness that it no longer has any power over us, and we are finally free.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-21.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
It's All About Choice!
I've spent way too much time afraid of making the wrong choice. I look at the proverbial fork in the road, and I speculate where each path will take me. Quite often I become mired in indecision because I can't see clearly where each choice will lead. I can't tell ahead of time if it is a "good" choice or a "bad" choice. What I am learning is, life is not about making the right decision. It's all about choice!
As humans, we have a tendency to judge everything as right or wrong, good or bad. Usually these judgments are based on how they make us feel. This decision resulted in a new romantic relationship or in making more money. Such outcomes make us feel good, so these are viewed as "good" choices. This decision landed us in jail or hurt us in some way. Consequently, we feel bad so this would be a "bad" choice. Most of us seek out those choices which make us feel good and avoid those that don't.
The thing is, life is not about avoiding pain (even though that's often what we make it out to be). Life is about learning and growth. To do this, we experiment with the elements in our lives, and this process involves a certain amount of pain. Pain is an important part of the learning curve! Without pain, we would not know to stop. Without pain, it is much more difficult to appreciate those things which make us feel joy. It is in the contrast we understand the individual pieces of our world with more clarity.
As we look at our choices through this new understanding, decisions become easier to make. Yes, there may be times we experience pain. It is at those times we can step back and say, "Maybe it's time to make a new choice." There is always a new choice to make. Life is not about right or wrong. It's all about choice!
As humans, we have a tendency to judge everything as right or wrong, good or bad. Usually these judgments are based on how they make us feel. This decision resulted in a new romantic relationship or in making more money. Such outcomes make us feel good, so these are viewed as "good" choices. This decision landed us in jail or hurt us in some way. Consequently, we feel bad so this would be a "bad" choice. Most of us seek out those choices which make us feel good and avoid those that don't.
The thing is, life is not about avoiding pain (even though that's often what we make it out to be). Life is about learning and growth. To do this, we experiment with the elements in our lives, and this process involves a certain amount of pain. Pain is an important part of the learning curve! Without pain, we would not know to stop. Without pain, it is much more difficult to appreciate those things which make us feel joy. It is in the contrast we understand the individual pieces of our world with more clarity.
As we look at our choices through this new understanding, decisions become easier to make. Yes, there may be times we experience pain. It is at those times we can step back and say, "Maybe it's time to make a new choice." There is always a new choice to make. Life is not about right or wrong. It's all about choice!
To Trust In Man (Part 19)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Mixed Emotions
As news of the Avery family murders came to light, my heart sank with each passing day. It was so hard to wrap my brain around these senseless deaths--chosen no doubt because they were easy prey. Besides news from media sources, I also got a great deal of secondhand news from law enforcement officials, compliments of my family who lived in the Kirtland area. Kirtland, Ohio is one of those towns where "everybody knows everybody".
Brian and I did get one phone call directly from law enforcement agents. Apparently, Jeff Lundgren had been on the ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) radar for a long time--even prior to the murders--because of his hefty purchases of guns and ammunition. After the murders, they tried to track all those purchases down. This included the rifle we had given Jeff money to buy for us and still had in our possession. (Jeff told law enforcement officials we had "stolen it" from him. The way Jeff's mind worked, I've no doubt he believed it to be true.)
My aunts in Ohio also received word from police officers in Kirtland that the defense--particularly my roommate--was planning to subpeona me to testify in the case. I was torn. I understood why the defense would want me there. I had been brainwashed just like everyone else in the group. I also knew my roommate. She was not the type to hurt anyone. I wanted to help her--it could so easily have been me standing with her on trial. I was torn because of Brian.
Brian had recently gotten a job as a law enforcement officer in Iowa where we lived. I knew this was his career field of choice. Now that he had a solid foot-in-the-door, I did not wish to jeopardize his future success, especially as he had been one of the main reasons I was not standing trial in Kirtland. Scared of what testifying for the defense could do to Brian's career plans, we asked the advice of a family friend who was a retired federal agent. He suggested calling the Kirtland police department directly and telling them we wished to be witnesses for the prosecution. We followed this advice, and the defense immediately dropped their thoughts of subpeona. Even though it had the desired result, I felt guilty about this decision for a long time.
I tried to get on with my life. I continued to work at the group home, and Brian and I were expecting our first child. Still, it was difficult to feel normal when I knew the lives of many of my friends would never be normal again.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-20.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Mixed Emotions
As news of the Avery family murders came to light, my heart sank with each passing day. It was so hard to wrap my brain around these senseless deaths--chosen no doubt because they were easy prey. Besides news from media sources, I also got a great deal of secondhand news from law enforcement officials, compliments of my family who lived in the Kirtland area. Kirtland, Ohio is one of those towns where "everybody knows everybody".
Brian and I did get one phone call directly from law enforcement agents. Apparently, Jeff Lundgren had been on the ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) radar for a long time--even prior to the murders--because of his hefty purchases of guns and ammunition. After the murders, they tried to track all those purchases down. This included the rifle we had given Jeff money to buy for us and still had in our possession. (Jeff told law enforcement officials we had "stolen it" from him. The way Jeff's mind worked, I've no doubt he believed it to be true.)
My aunts in Ohio also received word from police officers in Kirtland that the defense--particularly my roommate--was planning to subpeona me to testify in the case. I was torn. I understood why the defense would want me there. I had been brainwashed just like everyone else in the group. I also knew my roommate. She was not the type to hurt anyone. I wanted to help her--it could so easily have been me standing with her on trial. I was torn because of Brian.
Brian had recently gotten a job as a law enforcement officer in Iowa where we lived. I knew this was his career field of choice. Now that he had a solid foot-in-the-door, I did not wish to jeopardize his future success, especially as he had been one of the main reasons I was not standing trial in Kirtland. Scared of what testifying for the defense could do to Brian's career plans, we asked the advice of a family friend who was a retired federal agent. He suggested calling the Kirtland police department directly and telling them we wished to be witnesses for the prosecution. We followed this advice, and the defense immediately dropped their thoughts of subpeona. Even though it had the desired result, I felt guilty about this decision for a long time.
I tried to get on with my life. I continued to work at the group home, and Brian and I were expecting our first child. Still, it was difficult to feel normal when I knew the lives of many of my friends would never be normal again.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-20.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Saturday, March 12, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 18)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Headlines
There's an old saying that "things come in threes". This proved to be accurate for me in January of 1990. Brian and I were visiting Atlanta, where my parents lived, in order to attend my sister's wedding. While en route from Iowa, my paternal grandmother, who had been living with my parents, passed away. News of number three came with a phone call from my mother's family in Ohio. They had just discovered the bodies of the Avery family in the barn on the acreage Jeff Lundgren and his family had rented in Kirtland. We turned on CNN, where national coverage was just beginning to take place.
There were so many different and extreme emotions swirling around inside me as the news began to unfold. The first was thankfulness: for my husband and my mom and for the fact we had gotten away from the group before this really awful incident occurred. There was no doubt in my mind that if Brian and I had stayed we would now either be dead or on our way to prison.
I felt sickened by the fact the Averys had been killed. They were such a quiet, unassuming sort of family--the kind of people who never caused problems but could easily be targeted by bullies. Pictures of all the Averys, including the three girls, kept crashing through my brain. I struggled with the thought their murders had gone undetected for so long, their bodies slowly decaying and no one to show them the dignity and respect their deaths deserved with a proper burial. My heart ached for their family left behind and for law enforcement officers who now had the awful task of recovering the bodies and evidence. I thought about the now infamous barn--the barn Alice had once wanted to convert to a little country store. A place of death and destruction.
I remembered friends I had in Kirtland, who were now being arrested and facing prison. I was thankful that two of them had managed to leave sometime after I did, but I anguished over the ones caught up in the mess. My sweet, sweet roommate, who would never hurt a fly, going to prison because she was ensnared by Jeff's twisted dreams of power. Damon, Jeff's oldest son, who was only a few years younger than me, going to prison for the rest of his life. After working with abused and neglected children at the group home, I understood the life he had lived--the abuse and trauma suffered at the hands of his father. Damon, who was only nineteen at the time of his arrest, never had a chance for a normal life. I remembered my coworkers and others I knew through scripture study. I saw them all in my mind's eye, and they were me.
The strongest, most irrational emotion I experienced was fear. When news of the murders first broke, Jeff and Alice had not been caught. My mind whirled with the speculation of where they might be hiding out. I was afraid they would come looking for me. They knew where I had moved. Even though I was no longer under the influence of Jeff's teachings, Jeff seemed larger-than-life. In my mind he was still quite powerful--much more powerful than the average person.
Relief spread through my body when the news of Jeff's arrest broke. Other emotions were much harder to deal with. It's been over twenty years, and the tears flow as I write this.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-19.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Headlines
There's an old saying that "things come in threes". This proved to be accurate for me in January of 1990. Brian and I were visiting Atlanta, where my parents lived, in order to attend my sister's wedding. While en route from Iowa, my paternal grandmother, who had been living with my parents, passed away. News of number three came with a phone call from my mother's family in Ohio. They had just discovered the bodies of the Avery family in the barn on the acreage Jeff Lundgren and his family had rented in Kirtland. We turned on CNN, where national coverage was just beginning to take place.
There were so many different and extreme emotions swirling around inside me as the news began to unfold. The first was thankfulness: for my husband and my mom and for the fact we had gotten away from the group before this really awful incident occurred. There was no doubt in my mind that if Brian and I had stayed we would now either be dead or on our way to prison.
I felt sickened by the fact the Averys had been killed. They were such a quiet, unassuming sort of family--the kind of people who never caused problems but could easily be targeted by bullies. Pictures of all the Averys, including the three girls, kept crashing through my brain. I struggled with the thought their murders had gone undetected for so long, their bodies slowly decaying and no one to show them the dignity and respect their deaths deserved with a proper burial. My heart ached for their family left behind and for law enforcement officers who now had the awful task of recovering the bodies and evidence. I thought about the now infamous barn--the barn Alice had once wanted to convert to a little country store. A place of death and destruction.
I remembered friends I had in Kirtland, who were now being arrested and facing prison. I was thankful that two of them had managed to leave sometime after I did, but I anguished over the ones caught up in the mess. My sweet, sweet roommate, who would never hurt a fly, going to prison because she was ensnared by Jeff's twisted dreams of power. Damon, Jeff's oldest son, who was only a few years younger than me, going to prison for the rest of his life. After working with abused and neglected children at the group home, I understood the life he had lived--the abuse and trauma suffered at the hands of his father. Damon, who was only nineteen at the time of his arrest, never had a chance for a normal life. I remembered my coworkers and others I knew through scripture study. I saw them all in my mind's eye, and they were me.
The strongest, most irrational emotion I experienced was fear. When news of the murders first broke, Jeff and Alice had not been caught. My mind whirled with the speculation of where they might be hiding out. I was afraid they would come looking for me. They knew where I had moved. Even though I was no longer under the influence of Jeff's teachings, Jeff seemed larger-than-life. In my mind he was still quite powerful--much more powerful than the average person.
Relief spread through my body when the news of Jeff's arrest broke. Other emotions were much harder to deal with. It's been over twenty years, and the tears flow as I write this.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-19.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Friday, March 11, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 17)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Of Dreams
Throughout my descent into separation from God, I may have abandoned God, but God never abandoned me. I was given a mother who wouldn't let things go, a husband who knew better and a new job I could become totally absorbed in. I had something else as well--something we all have: dreams.
I don't often remember my dreams, but I do believe dreams are a way we connect to God. Throughout recorded history, dreams have been thought of as links to the supernatural world. I see dreams as a built-in system to connect us to what scientists today sometimes refer to as "the zero-point field" or "the matrix"--the mysterious substance that flows in and through all things. Christians call it the Holy Spirit. I've theorized this is why people who are sleep deprived develop mental problems--they've lost this important
connection to God.
I had been back in Iowa for quite some time when I had a dream I remembered. I believe it occurred sometime around the spring of 1989, although it has been so long ago at this point I'm not absolutely sure. In my dream, three of my Kirtland friends, including my former roommate and one of my former coworkers, were riding in a hot air balloon. As it floated along, it ran into electric power lines. One of my friends actually fell out of the balloon and came out dazed but survived. My other two friends survived, but were badly shaken by the experience.
The dream bothered me immensely. It seemed to indicate some problems in Kirtland, although I had no idea what sort of problems. I wrote a couple of letters--one to my roommate and one to my former coworker, asking if they were okay. I never got a response.
It would be a good six to nine months later before I would understand why.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-18.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Of Dreams
Throughout my descent into separation from God, I may have abandoned God, but God never abandoned me. I was given a mother who wouldn't let things go, a husband who knew better and a new job I could become totally absorbed in. I had something else as well--something we all have: dreams.
I don't often remember my dreams, but I do believe dreams are a way we connect to God. Throughout recorded history, dreams have been thought of as links to the supernatural world. I see dreams as a built-in system to connect us to what scientists today sometimes refer to as "the zero-point field" or "the matrix"--the mysterious substance that flows in and through all things. Christians call it the Holy Spirit. I've theorized this is why people who are sleep deprived develop mental problems--they've lost this important
connection to God.
I had been back in Iowa for quite some time when I had a dream I remembered. I believe it occurred sometime around the spring of 1989, although it has been so long ago at this point I'm not absolutely sure. In my dream, three of my Kirtland friends, including my former roommate and one of my former coworkers, were riding in a hot air balloon. As it floated along, it ran into electric power lines. One of my friends actually fell out of the balloon and came out dazed but survived. My other two friends survived, but were badly shaken by the experience.
The dream bothered me immensely. It seemed to indicate some problems in Kirtland, although I had no idea what sort of problems. I wrote a couple of letters--one to my roommate and one to my former coworker, asking if they were okay. I never got a response.
It would be a good six to nine months later before I would understand why.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-18.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 16)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
No Longer Brainwashed
Once my husband, Brian, and I left Jeff Lundgren's group, we did not have much contact with them. I know now Jeff would have seen my continuing contact as a potential problem as I could have convinced someone else to leave the group. On the few occasions I called to see how things were going, it was either Jeff or Alice that answered the phone. Talks were brief and I didn't hear much more than everyone was doing well and several new people had moved to the area to join the group. I wrote a few letters to different friends still in Kirtland, but I never got any response from those.
I found a job shortly after my return to Iowa as a residential counselor at a group home for emotionally disturbed children. I was able to put both my college degree and some previous volunteer experience I had working with abused children to good use in this role. It was a very intense job--basically involved working with five very troubled, very hyperactive children at once. I was responsible for making sure their day to day needs were met, while at the same time providing feedback to the children about appropriate behavior and to my colleagues about issues that could relate to the kids' problems, which might assist in their treatment.
In many ways, this job was my saving grace. I made some really good friends in my coworkers, who also had the same standards and integrity I held myself to. As for the job itself, it was so mentally, emotionally and physically draining, I didn't have much time left over to think about the life I had left behind in Kirtland.
In the back of my mind, I planned for a long time to make the trek back to Kirtland once the worldwide earthquake hit. At that point, Jeff's teachings would have been proven valid and I could go help the cause. After a year had passed, I didn't think about it happening anymore. My life had gone on, and I was once again absorbed in a much more normal life.
I remember a day--probably about a year-and-a-half after I moved away from Jeff--when I realized I didn't care to go back to Kirtland. I had been away long enough with no contact from the group that common sense had returned. Jeff's teachings about Zion, God's kingdom on earth, were a pipe dream. I could see that now.
It would be a much longer time before I would actively seek relationship with God once again.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-17.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
No Longer Brainwashed
Once my husband, Brian, and I left Jeff Lundgren's group, we did not have much contact with them. I know now Jeff would have seen my continuing contact as a potential problem as I could have convinced someone else to leave the group. On the few occasions I called to see how things were going, it was either Jeff or Alice that answered the phone. Talks were brief and I didn't hear much more than everyone was doing well and several new people had moved to the area to join the group. I wrote a few letters to different friends still in Kirtland, but I never got any response from those.
I found a job shortly after my return to Iowa as a residential counselor at a group home for emotionally disturbed children. I was able to put both my college degree and some previous volunteer experience I had working with abused children to good use in this role. It was a very intense job--basically involved working with five very troubled, very hyperactive children at once. I was responsible for making sure their day to day needs were met, while at the same time providing feedback to the children about appropriate behavior and to my colleagues about issues that could relate to the kids' problems, which might assist in their treatment.
In many ways, this job was my saving grace. I made some really good friends in my coworkers, who also had the same standards and integrity I held myself to. As for the job itself, it was so mentally, emotionally and physically draining, I didn't have much time left over to think about the life I had left behind in Kirtland.
In the back of my mind, I planned for a long time to make the trek back to Kirtland once the worldwide earthquake hit. At that point, Jeff's teachings would have been proven valid and I could go help the cause. After a year had passed, I didn't think about it happening anymore. My life had gone on, and I was once again absorbed in a much more normal life.
I remember a day--probably about a year-and-a-half after I moved away from Jeff--when I realized I didn't care to go back to Kirtland. I had been away long enough with no contact from the group that common sense had returned. Jeff's teachings about Zion, God's kingdom on earth, were a pipe dream. I could see that now.
It would be a much longer time before I would actively seek relationship with God once again.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-17.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 15)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Escape
By late fall of 1987, Brian and I were planning the move back to Iowa. It was a rough time for me as I was leaving behind some good friends not to mention my dream of helping to bring about Zion, God's kingdom on earth. I spent as much time as I could with Jeff Lundgren and his followers, participating in the scripture studies and social events now being held at the farmhouse.
At some point before I left, I was able to ask Jeff for more specifics on what would happen to begin the process of Zion. Jeff began to talk to me about the need to take over the Kirtland Temple and much of the land surrounding it before the inevitable worldwide earthquake. He indicated to me at this time it would involve a show of force by the group--that they would have to invade homes and actually kill people. He pointed out part of the reason he made the men watch the "Faces of Death" video was to get them used to seeing dead people.
In what was probably the only sane moment I had in my last days with Jeff's group, my gut instinct was, "I'm so glad I'm not going to be around for that." I was all set to go back to Iowa and get a job while Brian went back to finish up his degree. Once I heard Jeff's plan, I was filled with fear. Looking back, I now understand my "sane moment" was the voice of God speaking loudly and plainly to me.
Our plan was to spend Christmas with my parents, who had moved back to my hometown of Dayton, Ohio, and then proceed on to Iowa so Brian could finish school. When Brian and I finally made our escape, I was filled with relief, although I did not fully understand or appreciate those feelings at the time.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-16.html .
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Escape
By late fall of 1987, Brian and I were planning the move back to Iowa. It was a rough time for me as I was leaving behind some good friends not to mention my dream of helping to bring about Zion, God's kingdom on earth. I spent as much time as I could with Jeff Lundgren and his followers, participating in the scripture studies and social events now being held at the farmhouse.
At some point before I left, I was able to ask Jeff for more specifics on what would happen to begin the process of Zion. Jeff began to talk to me about the need to take over the Kirtland Temple and much of the land surrounding it before the inevitable worldwide earthquake. He indicated to me at this time it would involve a show of force by the group--that they would have to invade homes and actually kill people. He pointed out part of the reason he made the men watch the "Faces of Death" video was to get them used to seeing dead people.
In what was probably the only sane moment I had in my last days with Jeff's group, my gut instinct was, "I'm so glad I'm not going to be around for that." I was all set to go back to Iowa and get a job while Brian went back to finish up his degree. Once I heard Jeff's plan, I was filled with fear. Looking back, I now understand my "sane moment" was the voice of God speaking loudly and plainly to me.
Our plan was to spend Christmas with my parents, who had moved back to my hometown of Dayton, Ohio, and then proceed on to Iowa so Brian could finish school. When Brian and I finally made our escape, I was filled with relief, although I did not fully understand or appreciate those feelings at the time.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-16.html .
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Embracing All of Myself
Growing up Christian, I was taught being a sinful human was a wretched thing to be. While it is impossible for us to be perfect, we are to shy away from our sinful natures as much as possible in order to show our commitment to the Light. I do try to be mindful of the actions I take in the world--mainly because I believe what I send out also comes back to me. However, I have also spent vast amounts of time denying, ignoring, or making amends for those "sins" I have committed. In doing so, I have spent a great deal of energy denying a key element of myself--the darkness within.
One of my favorite quotes is by Teilhard de Chardin. "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." I believe that planet earth is a place we choose to come to learn about ourselves and the universe. The best and easiest way to do this is to provide ourselves with character flaws and problems which we have to work through--those things we view as weaknesses or darkness. Humans are flawed. They were designed to be that way. We put our spiritual selves in an imperfct human form in order to grow.
When we refuse to embrace all parts of ourselves, including the darkness, we deny our humanness. In a very real sense we deny the experiences we came to earth to learn from. It is from understanding the darkness in our own natures that we have the ability to understand and appreciate the light. As I embrace all of myself--darkness and light--I allow myself to receive all the benefits this human experience offers.
One of my favorite quotes is by Teilhard de Chardin. "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." I believe that planet earth is a place we choose to come to learn about ourselves and the universe. The best and easiest way to do this is to provide ourselves with character flaws and problems which we have to work through--those things we view as weaknesses or darkness. Humans are flawed. They were designed to be that way. We put our spiritual selves in an imperfct human form in order to grow.
When we refuse to embrace all parts of ourselves, including the darkness, we deny our humanness. In a very real sense we deny the experiences we came to earth to learn from. It is from understanding the darkness in our own natures that we have the ability to understand and appreciate the light. As I embrace all of myself--darkness and light--I allow myself to receive all the benefits this human experience offers.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 14)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
The Decision That Changed Everything
While I was happy living in Kirtland full-time, my husband, Brian, was not. He increasingly began to fear Jeff and his teachings and started planning his escape. Taking a semester off school had actually done Brian some good. While working as a store loss prevention agent, which he found himself to be good at, he got to interact with many law enforcement officials. Brian decided he would like to be a police officer. His plan was to go back to school in Iowa for the spring semester and major in sociology/criminal justice.
I was heartbroken. After years of planning to be part of this group to help "establish the cause of Zion", I had finally succeeded. Now I was back to square one, and I didn't like it. I was still in love with Brian, but I was torn between staying with him or staying in Kirtland without him. Unsure of what I should do, I decided to put the question to Jeff directly. I told Jeff that Brian was going to back to school after Christmas and wanted me to go with him, but that I wanted to stay in Kirtland. "What should I do?"
To this day I have no idea what was running through Jeff's mind when I posed this question to him. Maybe he was thinking about the trouble my mother had caused him and would cause him in the future if I were to leave my husband. Maybe he wasn't convinced I was sincere. All I know is what he answered. "You need to go with your husband."
I knew Jeff was a believer in the idea that the man should be in charge of the household. At the time, I didn't question his answer any further than that. As I look back at my life, I know that continuing with the group was not part of my life's plan. My life would have been very different if not for this pivotal decision--a decision I left up to a madman.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-15.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
The Decision That Changed Everything
While I was happy living in Kirtland full-time, my husband, Brian, was not. He increasingly began to fear Jeff and his teachings and started planning his escape. Taking a semester off school had actually done Brian some good. While working as a store loss prevention agent, which he found himself to be good at, he got to interact with many law enforcement officials. Brian decided he would like to be a police officer. His plan was to go back to school in Iowa for the spring semester and major in sociology/criminal justice.
I was heartbroken. After years of planning to be part of this group to help "establish the cause of Zion", I had finally succeeded. Now I was back to square one, and I didn't like it. I was still in love with Brian, but I was torn between staying with him or staying in Kirtland without him. Unsure of what I should do, I decided to put the question to Jeff directly. I told Jeff that Brian was going to back to school after Christmas and wanted me to go with him, but that I wanted to stay in Kirtland. "What should I do?"
To this day I have no idea what was running through Jeff's mind when I posed this question to him. Maybe he was thinking about the trouble my mother had caused him and would cause him in the future if I were to leave my husband. Maybe he wasn't convinced I was sincere. All I know is what he answered. "You need to go with your husband."
I knew Jeff was a believer in the idea that the man should be in charge of the household. At the time, I didn't question his answer any further than that. As I look back at my life, I know that continuing with the group was not part of my life's plan. My life would have been very different if not for this pivotal decision--a decision I left up to a madman.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-15.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Monday, March 7, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 13)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Breaking Away
Toward the end of the summer of 1987, Jeff Lundgren found his relationship with the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at an end. They had been keeping a close eye on Jeff's activities ever since my mother had alerted church officials to his teachings a few years earlier. They now had enough information on Jeff to take action.
I believe Jeff could see the writing on the wall before they actually silenced him, which involved taking away his priesthood license so he had no more authority to teach or preach within the church. In a show of force, he began to have some of his followers officially withdraw their church membership in a formal act of defiance. I watched several of my friends begin this slow exodus. We were all so convinced of Jeff's teachings it was the least we could do to show our support for our leader when called upon. Jeff never asked me to do this directly, but I would have done so had he asked.
Never happy with what he considered the church's liberal teachings--especially that of women in the priesthood, he now began to openly attack those who had taken away his priesthood authority. He began pointing out those actions which he felt showed the church had abused its power. Having worked for the church as a tour guide, I knew some of his points were valid and could see how some actions were not always "Christ-like". Although I had not physically withdrawn my membership, my relationship with the church was also at an end.
By September, Jeff and Alice had been asked to move out of the church owned home they had lived in since their arrival in Kirtland. Between money received from Dennis and Cheryl Avery and money they received from some of their working followers, the Lundgrens were able to rent an acreage a few miles away from the Temple. Alice set about making the old farmhouse a little more liveable, organizing people to clean and paint before they moved in. She even had an idea for using the old barn on the property. She wanted to set it up as a little country store to sell handcrafts she and some of the other girls in the group would make. As usual, Alice was good about putting a positive spin on life.
Jeff's actions proved to the church and himself he had a loyal band of followers. His power over the group now seemed complete. It would only take time and "revelations" to take the group past the edge of reason.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-14.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Breaking Away
Toward the end of the summer of 1987, Jeff Lundgren found his relationship with the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints at an end. They had been keeping a close eye on Jeff's activities ever since my mother had alerted church officials to his teachings a few years earlier. They now had enough information on Jeff to take action.
I believe Jeff could see the writing on the wall before they actually silenced him, which involved taking away his priesthood license so he had no more authority to teach or preach within the church. In a show of force, he began to have some of his followers officially withdraw their church membership in a formal act of defiance. I watched several of my friends begin this slow exodus. We were all so convinced of Jeff's teachings it was the least we could do to show our support for our leader when called upon. Jeff never asked me to do this directly, but I would have done so had he asked.
Never happy with what he considered the church's liberal teachings--especially that of women in the priesthood, he now began to openly attack those who had taken away his priesthood authority. He began pointing out those actions which he felt showed the church had abused its power. Having worked for the church as a tour guide, I knew some of his points were valid and could see how some actions were not always "Christ-like". Although I had not physically withdrawn my membership, my relationship with the church was also at an end.
By September, Jeff and Alice had been asked to move out of the church owned home they had lived in since their arrival in Kirtland. Between money received from Dennis and Cheryl Avery and money they received from some of their working followers, the Lundgrens were able to rent an acreage a few miles away from the Temple. Alice set about making the old farmhouse a little more liveable, organizing people to clean and paint before they moved in. She even had an idea for using the old barn on the property. She wanted to set it up as a little country store to sell handcrafts she and some of the other girls in the group would make. As usual, Alice was good about putting a positive spin on life.
Jeff's actions proved to the church and himself he had a loyal band of followers. His power over the group now seemed complete. It would only take time and "revelations" to take the group past the edge of reason.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-14.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 12)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Gathering
As my second summer of tour guiding at the Kirtland Temple progressed, I did what I could to strengthen my position to stay in Kirtland. I was determined not to leave this time, especially as I could see the evidence that people were beginning to "gather", or move to Kirtland to become part of this shared vision of Zion--a vision that had been created and encouraged by Jeff Lundgren.
One of my fellow guides during the summer of 1987 was an obvious convert to the cause. He was staying. During the course of the summer, several of his friends from the Independence, Missouri area came for a visit. Two of the three friends who visited also decided to stay. They eventually moved in with the Lundgren family, this being made possible by a move the Lundgren's made to an old farmhouse on an acreage a few miles from the Kirtland Temple.
There were other older adults who also chose to gather to Kirtland at this time. Several friends of Jeff and Alice came to Kirtland with their families in tow. One such family was that of Dennis and Cheryl Avery and their three daughters. They were a quiet, rather unassuming couple who seemed to trust Jeff and Alice immensely, although Jeff and Alice often made disparaging comments behind their backs. Jeff sure had no qualms about using their money for his projects, nor about using their rented house to hold scripture study classes in, away from the prying eyes of the church. I often felt sorry for the Avery's. It was obvious to me Jeff and Alice did not like them.
When my last summer of tour guiding was over, I managed to find work cleaning rooms and subbing at the front desk at a local hotel. My husband, Brian, had found work in the area as part of the loss prevention staff at a local department store. Because Brian was still undecided about his direction in life, I managed to convince him to drop out of school for the time being and stay in Kirtland. He had changed his major so often he still had several years left before he would receive any sort of undergraduate degree. I suggested sitting out a semester and working in the "real world" would help Brian define what he wanted more clearly. Somehow I managed to convince Brian this was the sensible thing to do.
My dream of "gathering" to Kirtland, after years of wanting to, was finally coming to fruition. We were staying!
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-13.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Gathering
As my second summer of tour guiding at the Kirtland Temple progressed, I did what I could to strengthen my position to stay in Kirtland. I was determined not to leave this time, especially as I could see the evidence that people were beginning to "gather", or move to Kirtland to become part of this shared vision of Zion--a vision that had been created and encouraged by Jeff Lundgren.
One of my fellow guides during the summer of 1987 was an obvious convert to the cause. He was staying. During the course of the summer, several of his friends from the Independence, Missouri area came for a visit. Two of the three friends who visited also decided to stay. They eventually moved in with the Lundgren family, this being made possible by a move the Lundgren's made to an old farmhouse on an acreage a few miles from the Kirtland Temple.
There were other older adults who also chose to gather to Kirtland at this time. Several friends of Jeff and Alice came to Kirtland with their families in tow. One such family was that of Dennis and Cheryl Avery and their three daughters. They were a quiet, rather unassuming couple who seemed to trust Jeff and Alice immensely, although Jeff and Alice often made disparaging comments behind their backs. Jeff sure had no qualms about using their money for his projects, nor about using their rented house to hold scripture study classes in, away from the prying eyes of the church. I often felt sorry for the Avery's. It was obvious to me Jeff and Alice did not like them.
When my last summer of tour guiding was over, I managed to find work cleaning rooms and subbing at the front desk at a local hotel. My husband, Brian, had found work in the area as part of the loss prevention staff at a local department store. Because Brian was still undecided about his direction in life, I managed to convince him to drop out of school for the time being and stay in Kirtland. He had changed his major so often he still had several years left before he would receive any sort of undergraduate degree. I suggested sitting out a semester and working in the "real world" would help Brian define what he wanted more clearly. Somehow I managed to convince Brian this was the sensible thing to do.
My dream of "gathering" to Kirtland, after years of wanting to, was finally coming to fruition. We were staying!
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-13.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Saturday, March 5, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 11)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Hunting
Although my husband Brian was in Kirtland with me and attended scripture study classes at the Lundgren home, he really was not taking to the teachings or to Jeff as I had hoped. I would often encourage Brian to participate in some of the "male bonding" sort of activities which went on in the Lundgren household in the hope it would draw him closer to the group.
At times, Damon, Jeff Lundgren's oldest son, would organize games of "Capture the Flag" in the late evening in the gardens of the Kirtland Temple. The game involved two teams who would take turns hiding the "flag", usually just a colored rag. The object was to either find the flag and bring to back to home base or to keep the other team from finding the flag and retrieving it. Brian would often participate. He liked games and seemed to enjoy it, although it was obvious in Brian's mind that games were one thing, the scriptures and religion quite another.
I knew Jeff and his family were also into hunting. Occasionally I would see Jeff cleaning some gun or another, and they would talk about deer hunting and other things of that nature. It never struck me as odd, as I have family members who enjoy hunting as well. During the course of the summer, Jeff began organizing trips to the shooting range. He also strongly encouraged the younger men to take a hunter's safety course, which they did. As guns always scared me, I thought this was a good idea, especially since Brian and I were now in possession of a rifle, which Jeff had purchased with money we had given him.
As much talk of hunting and guns as there was in the Lundgren household, I never thought about Jeff and his fascination with guns. I now know Jeff understood my fear of guns, perhaps even better than I did. He never allowed me to go into the basement of his house on the visitor center grounds. He never told me why, but some of Jeff's other followers did. When I asked the others what was down there, I was told guns and ammunition--lots of it. I wasn't allowed to go down there for fear it would scare me. The sad part is, I didn't even question it.
Blessings come in many forms. Brian's lack of spirituality and the fact that he never bonded strongly with anyone in the Lundgren group were truly blessings. I just didn't see it at the time.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-12.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Hunting
Although my husband Brian was in Kirtland with me and attended scripture study classes at the Lundgren home, he really was not taking to the teachings or to Jeff as I had hoped. I would often encourage Brian to participate in some of the "male bonding" sort of activities which went on in the Lundgren household in the hope it would draw him closer to the group.
At times, Damon, Jeff Lundgren's oldest son, would organize games of "Capture the Flag" in the late evening in the gardens of the Kirtland Temple. The game involved two teams who would take turns hiding the "flag", usually just a colored rag. The object was to either find the flag and bring to back to home base or to keep the other team from finding the flag and retrieving it. Brian would often participate. He liked games and seemed to enjoy it, although it was obvious in Brian's mind that games were one thing, the scriptures and religion quite another.
I knew Jeff and his family were also into hunting. Occasionally I would see Jeff cleaning some gun or another, and they would talk about deer hunting and other things of that nature. It never struck me as odd, as I have family members who enjoy hunting as well. During the course of the summer, Jeff began organizing trips to the shooting range. He also strongly encouraged the younger men to take a hunter's safety course, which they did. As guns always scared me, I thought this was a good idea, especially since Brian and I were now in possession of a rifle, which Jeff had purchased with money we had given him.
As much talk of hunting and guns as there was in the Lundgren household, I never thought about Jeff and his fascination with guns. I now know Jeff understood my fear of guns, perhaps even better than I did. He never allowed me to go into the basement of his house on the visitor center grounds. He never told me why, but some of Jeff's other followers did. When I asked the others what was down there, I was told guns and ammunition--lots of it. I wasn't allowed to go down there for fear it would scare me. The sad part is, I didn't even question it.
Blessings come in many forms. Brian's lack of spirituality and the fact that he never bonded strongly with anyone in the Lundgren group were truly blessings. I just didn't see it at the time.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-12.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Friday, March 4, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 10)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Expanded Teachings
Jeff Lundgren was a master of weaving various ideas together in order to prove the truth of his teachings. His vast knowledge of the three books of scripture my church used, the Bible, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants, coupled with some ideas he had discovered on archeology and even linguistics made his arguments ever so convincing.
Jeff had happened upon an idea the first summer I was there known as chiasmus. This is an ancient poetry form found in many cultures and writings (the Bible being among them) where ideas are first written and then restated in a reverse order, the most important idea in the "chiasm" will be the parallel statements in the middle of the chiasm. Jeff jumped on this idea to not only prove the validity of the Book of Mormon, where chiastic writing is prolific, but also to emphasize points he wanted to make. Increasingly, the Book of Mormon became central in his teachings. Jeff would make points about how there was a "pattern in all things" (an idea I actually believe is valid and I used to convince myself he was on to something). By the time my second summer in Kirtland began, 1987, the concept of patterns was essential to many of Jeff's teachings.
As the summer went on, Jeff began to emphasize several points over and over again. Violence played a significant role in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Indeed, he brought up story after story about wars of the Isealites in the Bible and the wars of the Nephites and Lamanites in the Book of Mormon. He also began to relate the story of Christ appearing to the Nephites in the Book of Mormon to how it was going to happen again at Christ's second coming. Jeff taught God would cause a massive, worldwide earthquake to occur, leaving the Kirtland Temple somehow erect but also heralding the return of Christ. I was so convinced in the validity of the pattern concept and that Jeff was an inspired teacher I sincerely began to believe it.
By this time, my ability to discern the truth within was clearly suspect. I was in well over my head.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-11.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Expanded Teachings
Jeff Lundgren was a master of weaving various ideas together in order to prove the truth of his teachings. His vast knowledge of the three books of scripture my church used, the Bible, the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants, coupled with some ideas he had discovered on archeology and even linguistics made his arguments ever so convincing.
Jeff had happened upon an idea the first summer I was there known as chiasmus. This is an ancient poetry form found in many cultures and writings (the Bible being among them) where ideas are first written and then restated in a reverse order, the most important idea in the "chiasm" will be the parallel statements in the middle of the chiasm. Jeff jumped on this idea to not only prove the validity of the Book of Mormon, where chiastic writing is prolific, but also to emphasize points he wanted to make. Increasingly, the Book of Mormon became central in his teachings. Jeff would make points about how there was a "pattern in all things" (an idea I actually believe is valid and I used to convince myself he was on to something). By the time my second summer in Kirtland began, 1987, the concept of patterns was essential to many of Jeff's teachings.
As the summer went on, Jeff began to emphasize several points over and over again. Violence played a significant role in both the Bible and the Book of Mormon. Indeed, he brought up story after story about wars of the Isealites in the Bible and the wars of the Nephites and Lamanites in the Book of Mormon. He also began to relate the story of Christ appearing to the Nephites in the Book of Mormon to how it was going to happen again at Christ's second coming. Jeff taught God would cause a massive, worldwide earthquake to occur, leaving the Kirtland Temple somehow erect but also heralding the return of Christ. I was so convinced in the validity of the pattern concept and that Jeff was an inspired teacher I sincerely began to believe it.
By this time, my ability to discern the truth within was clearly suspect. I was in well over my head.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-11.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Divine Whispers
By my own personal definition, prayer is the act of asking the Divine for help and/or answers. Meditation, on the other hand, is the act of listening to the Divine. As far back as I can remember, I've always been good at praying. I also know I have a gift for saying very powerful prayers. What I'm not always good at is listening.
In the past few weeks, I have intentionally made it a point to listen. I sit in a quiet place (which usually means very early in the morning when everyone else is still in bed), and I do my best to empty my mind of all my thoughts, cares and concerns. It helps to have no agenda in mind--no preconceived ideas about how life in general (or my life specifically) should go. Basically, I let go of my will and search to replace it with the mind and will of God.
It isn't an easy task. There are so many thoughts that get in the way--so much mental clutter. It takes real control (and often a long time) to settle it all down and focus on the stillness within. I will say this: it does get easier the more you practice and it is definitely worth it in the end.
It is in the quiet where the Divine whispers to you. Thoughts come in this quiet place. Sometimes they relate to your life in some specific way. Sometimes they relate to your world in general. Regardless, all Divine whisperings are important because they give insight and direction.
As I learn to hear these Divine whisperings and follow this guidance, my life moves forth in very powerful ways. Empty places the world has gouged out begin to fill back up. I overflow with an infinite love and peace. I am no longer an individual acting alone, but am part of a much bigger movement of Wholeness, of Oneness. It is from those Divine whispers I learn to connect with all that Is.
In the past few weeks, I have intentionally made it a point to listen. I sit in a quiet place (which usually means very early in the morning when everyone else is still in bed), and I do my best to empty my mind of all my thoughts, cares and concerns. It helps to have no agenda in mind--no preconceived ideas about how life in general (or my life specifically) should go. Basically, I let go of my will and search to replace it with the mind and will of God.
It isn't an easy task. There are so many thoughts that get in the way--so much mental clutter. It takes real control (and often a long time) to settle it all down and focus on the stillness within. I will say this: it does get easier the more you practice and it is definitely worth it in the end.
It is in the quiet where the Divine whispers to you. Thoughts come in this quiet place. Sometimes they relate to your life in some specific way. Sometimes they relate to your world in general. Regardless, all Divine whisperings are important because they give insight and direction.
As I learn to hear these Divine whisperings and follow this guidance, my life moves forth in very powerful ways. Empty places the world has gouged out begin to fill back up. I overflow with an infinite love and peace. I am no longer an individual acting alone, but am part of a much bigger movement of Wholeness, of Oneness. It is from those Divine whispers I learn to connect with all that Is.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 9)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
New Faces
After graduating from college with a BA in psychology, I applied to be a tour guide at the historic Kirtland Temple in beautiful northeastern Ohio once again for the summer of 1987 and was accepted. I was happy to be back in Kirtland with the ability to hear more of Jeff Lundgren's teachings, this time with my husband Brian in tow. It was my hope that Brian would begin to understand my interest in Jeff's vision with more exposure to his teachings.
In many ways the visitors center was the same as when I had last worked there. The same retired couple was still there running the Temple. Jeff and his wife Alice were also still on the full time staff. As for the three summer guides I had worked with the summer of l985, two of them were now permanent residents in Kirtland although they no longer served as tour guides. My other male coworker from the previous summer did not return. It was hinted at by Jeff and Alice there were reasons for that. Apparently, money had turned up missing from the visitors center the last summer I had worked there. Summer guides were no longer responsible for helping with gift shop purchases.
That summer saw several additions in staff. There were two more males and one other female who had been hired as historic interpreters for the summer besides myself. The girl was a friend who had lived on my floor in the dorm before I was married. The males I had to get to know, but again we all seemed to get along fairly well. Another wonderful addition was that of a retired couple from Oklahoma who had joined the visitors center as year round staff. They were sweet and extremely eager to share the church's history with the people who came to Kirtland. I became quite fond of them as I found out we had some family and friend connections through our church.
Most importantly, I was back where I could share in regular scripture studies and learn some of the wonderful things Jeff had learned in my time away. So much had already happened. So much was happening now. I was ready to help "establish the cause of Zion"--a cause that was to draw me ever closer to the edge of reason.
Story continues at: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-10.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
New Faces
After graduating from college with a BA in psychology, I applied to be a tour guide at the historic Kirtland Temple in beautiful northeastern Ohio once again for the summer of 1987 and was accepted. I was happy to be back in Kirtland with the ability to hear more of Jeff Lundgren's teachings, this time with my husband Brian in tow. It was my hope that Brian would begin to understand my interest in Jeff's vision with more exposure to his teachings.
In many ways the visitors center was the same as when I had last worked there. The same retired couple was still there running the Temple. Jeff and his wife Alice were also still on the full time staff. As for the three summer guides I had worked with the summer of l985, two of them were now permanent residents in Kirtland although they no longer served as tour guides. My other male coworker from the previous summer did not return. It was hinted at by Jeff and Alice there were reasons for that. Apparently, money had turned up missing from the visitors center the last summer I had worked there. Summer guides were no longer responsible for helping with gift shop purchases.
That summer saw several additions in staff. There were two more males and one other female who had been hired as historic interpreters for the summer besides myself. The girl was a friend who had lived on my floor in the dorm before I was married. The males I had to get to know, but again we all seemed to get along fairly well. Another wonderful addition was that of a retired couple from Oklahoma who had joined the visitors center as year round staff. They were sweet and extremely eager to share the church's history with the people who came to Kirtland. I became quite fond of them as I found out we had some family and friend connections through our church.
Most importantly, I was back where I could share in regular scripture studies and learn some of the wonderful things Jeff had learned in my time away. So much had already happened. So much was happening now. I was ready to help "establish the cause of Zion"--a cause that was to draw me ever closer to the edge of reason.
Story continues at: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-10.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 8)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Still Connected
Although I was back in school in Iowa, I was extremely interested in everything having to do with the Kirtland Temple and Jeffrey Lundgren. I was determined to do what I could to get back to that place. Jeff had made me a believer in the concept that Zion, God's Kingdom on earth, was going to begin from that place and not Independence, Missouri, which church tradition held to be the center place of Zion.
My first attempt to return was applying to be a "historic interpreter" once again at the Kirtland Temple for the summer of 1986. It was to be a big year because it was the 150th anniversary of the completion and dedication of the Temple. What I didn't anticipate was my mother's interference. Because my mother had voiced concerns over Jeff's teachings and his influence over me, the man in charge of the church's historic sites did not want me to be there at a time when more than the usual number of people would be making the trek to see Kirtland. I was not put off by this event. Sure it was a kink in the plans, but not insurmountable. After all, I still had family in the area.
My boyfriend, Brian, was also playing a much bigger role in my life. We became officially engaged in October of 1985 and were planning on getting married when the school year ended. Having worked at the Temple the previous summer, I knew that weddings were occasionally held in the Temple gardens. I began dreaming of an outdoor wedding there. Because of my family in Ohio, I was able to pull off the preparations for my dream wedding in Kirtland. We even considered having Jeff perform the wedding ceremony, although in the end we opted to have Brian's dad do the honors.
Brian and I were married in the Kirtland Temple gardens in May of 1986. It turned out to be a beautiful day for the wedding with many family members and friends in attendance. In fact, my roommate from the previous summer had helped me get ready for the big occasion and one of my male coworkers played Pachabel's cannon on his acoustic guitar as I walked down the aisle. He, too, was in Kirtland permanently.
After a brief honeymoon, Brian and I stayed with my grandmother. Brian was able to find some work, but after a few weeks of looking I couldn't find anything. We decided to go ahead and move back to Iowa for the rest of the summer because Brian found a better paying job there.
Things seemed to be shaping up in Kirtland. Alice had told me about the latest happenings--Jeff had learned some amazing things and people were looking up to him more and more, etc., and now two of my coworkers were in Kirtland ready to help "establish the cause of Zion". While I was not physically present in Kirtland, my heart was definitely there.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-9.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Still Connected
Although I was back in school in Iowa, I was extremely interested in everything having to do with the Kirtland Temple and Jeffrey Lundgren. I was determined to do what I could to get back to that place. Jeff had made me a believer in the concept that Zion, God's Kingdom on earth, was going to begin from that place and not Independence, Missouri, which church tradition held to be the center place of Zion.
My first attempt to return was applying to be a "historic interpreter" once again at the Kirtland Temple for the summer of 1986. It was to be a big year because it was the 150th anniversary of the completion and dedication of the Temple. What I didn't anticipate was my mother's interference. Because my mother had voiced concerns over Jeff's teachings and his influence over me, the man in charge of the church's historic sites did not want me to be there at a time when more than the usual number of people would be making the trek to see Kirtland. I was not put off by this event. Sure it was a kink in the plans, but not insurmountable. After all, I still had family in the area.
My boyfriend, Brian, was also playing a much bigger role in my life. We became officially engaged in October of 1985 and were planning on getting married when the school year ended. Having worked at the Temple the previous summer, I knew that weddings were occasionally held in the Temple gardens. I began dreaming of an outdoor wedding there. Because of my family in Ohio, I was able to pull off the preparations for my dream wedding in Kirtland. We even considered having Jeff perform the wedding ceremony, although in the end we opted to have Brian's dad do the honors.
Brian and I were married in the Kirtland Temple gardens in May of 1986. It turned out to be a beautiful day for the wedding with many family members and friends in attendance. In fact, my roommate from the previous summer had helped me get ready for the big occasion and one of my male coworkers played Pachabel's cannon on his acoustic guitar as I walked down the aisle. He, too, was in Kirtland permanently.
After a brief honeymoon, Brian and I stayed with my grandmother. Brian was able to find some work, but after a few weeks of looking I couldn't find anything. We decided to go ahead and move back to Iowa for the rest of the summer because Brian found a better paying job there.
Things seemed to be shaping up in Kirtland. Alice had told me about the latest happenings--Jeff had learned some amazing things and people were looking up to him more and more, etc., and now two of my coworkers were in Kirtland ready to help "establish the cause of Zion". While I was not physically present in Kirtland, my heart was definitely there.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-9.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
To Trust In Man (Part 7)
Author's note: The following post is part of a series dealing with my experiences in the Jeffrey Lundgren cult and what I learned from those experiences. My hope is that my story will teach others the importance of listening to the voice of God within for their answers. Peace. cse
Planning For the Future
The summer of 1985 was an idyllic summer for me as I fulfilled my dream of sharing the peace and history of the Kirtland Temple in beautiful northeastern Ohio with those who wanted to explore it. There was no doubt in my mind this building was a special place--a place where it was easy to find God. However, the course of the summer also found me being drawn closer to the building for more ominous reasons. I had been convinced by Jeff Lundgren that the purpose of the temple had not been fulfilled back in the 1830's but was still yet to come. It was my plan to be part of that movement.
Toward the end of that first summer, I knew I would be back. I was already making plans to apply for a job the following summer at the Temple, where full preparations were underway for the 1986 sequecentennial celebration of the Temple's completion and dedication. My roommate had already found a job in the local community and was planning on staying on in Kirtland indefinitely. The other two summer guides and I were all planning on going back to school for the fall semester although the pull to stay in Kirtland was felt by all three of us.
My boyfriend, Brian, came to Kirtland at the end of the summer, both to see the Temple and then to take me home to South Carolina for a brief visit before we had to be back to college in Iowa in the fall. I was somewhat disappointed Brian did not seem to be as enamored with the building or Jeff's teachings as I was (although he was the patient boyfriend and listened to what I had to say). Still, it was important for me to share it with him. From the very beginning of our relationship I had been extremely drawn to Brian--sort of like I had known him forever. Things were getting serious very quickly, and we were talking about marriage. I knew I would need Brian to be in agreement with me if I was to make it back to Kirtland.
My attachment to Brian and his disinterest in the Temple proved to be a very good thing.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-8.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
Planning For the Future
The summer of 1985 was an idyllic summer for me as I fulfilled my dream of sharing the peace and history of the Kirtland Temple in beautiful northeastern Ohio with those who wanted to explore it. There was no doubt in my mind this building was a special place--a place where it was easy to find God. However, the course of the summer also found me being drawn closer to the building for more ominous reasons. I had been convinced by Jeff Lundgren that the purpose of the temple had not been fulfilled back in the 1830's but was still yet to come. It was my plan to be part of that movement.
Toward the end of that first summer, I knew I would be back. I was already making plans to apply for a job the following summer at the Temple, where full preparations were underway for the 1986 sequecentennial celebration of the Temple's completion and dedication. My roommate had already found a job in the local community and was planning on staying on in Kirtland indefinitely. The other two summer guides and I were all planning on going back to school for the fall semester although the pull to stay in Kirtland was felt by all three of us.
My boyfriend, Brian, came to Kirtland at the end of the summer, both to see the Temple and then to take me home to South Carolina for a brief visit before we had to be back to college in Iowa in the fall. I was somewhat disappointed Brian did not seem to be as enamored with the building or Jeff's teachings as I was (although he was the patient boyfriend and listened to what I had to say). Still, it was important for me to share it with him. From the very beginning of our relationship I had been extremely drawn to Brian--sort of like I had known him forever. Things were getting serious very quickly, and we were talking about marriage. I knew I would need Brian to be in agreement with me if I was to make it back to Kirtland.
My attachment to Brian and his disinterest in the Temple proved to be a very good thing.
The story continues: http://cocoontobutterfly.blogspot.com/2011/03/to-trust-in-man-part-8.html
*(For more information on this incident, one of the best books written is Prophet of Death. the Mormon Blood-Atonement Killings
by Pete Earley. It's very detailed and uncomfortably graphic, but he did his research well. Earley gets to the heart of why Jeff and his followers acted as they did, without bias. Also, A&E did a segment of their show American Justice on this topic: American Justice: The Cult Murders.)
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