Who I Am--Who You Are

     Two-thousand nine has been a year of huge personal challenges for me. Still, as I struggle to make sense of the upheaval which has occurred, I am also reminded of all the growth that has taken place because of those same challenges. I am so different now from what I was this time last year--more confident, more patient, more accepting. My strength has increased by leaps and bounds! Most importantly, I have a much better idea of who I am in the grand scheme of life, and I am learning to appreciate the gifts and talents I have been given as I understand my role in the world.
     The most important lesson 2009 has taught me is WHO I AM. For someone who has been brought up in a religious, Christian environment this may seem obvious. Ultimately, Christians are taught that they are children of God--a God that loves unconditionally and wants the best for His children. While we are told that Christ sacrificed his life for our sins so that we could be found perfect before God, all too often we hold tight to the thought of those sins and refuse to believe we are worthy to receive anything because of all the mistakes we have made. The fact of the matter is, God does not see our faults. He truly does see us without blame and spotless!!! When God looks at us, all He sees are beings of light and love!
     As I accept this truth as reality, I find a number of once closed doors now open to me. Opportunities abound as I begin to let myself receive the abundance which is my birthright. The difference this year is not the number of opportunities out there--they were always there. The difference is that I am now willing to allow myself to accept those blessings because I finally see myself as worthy!
     As I contemplate this simple understanding, it occurs to me there are many others out there who still do not know their own true worth. I am no different than anyone else. I am no more deserving of blessings than anyone else. The fact of the matter is, we all deserve blessings! We are all powerful beings of light and love! We are all worthy to receive God's abundance! Don't ever doubt that! Search inside yourself to the core of your being where the light of God dwells! Learn to know and accept the light that is in you! Focus on that light, and you will never feel unworthy again.
     It is my prayer that 2010 will be a year of much love, joy, abundance, and peace as we learn to appreciate just who we are in the light of God's love.
      
   

Good From Adversity

The law of attaction states that YOU are responsible for all the things which are brought into your life by the thoughts you dwell on and believe. Jesus is quoted in the bible as saying, "Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." (Mark 11:24 KJV) Thoughts are obviously very powerful things! Often we find ourselves questioning why bad things come into our lives. The law of attraction would say you put them there. Jesus also seems to agree that what you believe you will receive will come to you. Do we really bring bad things onto ourselves or is this some sort of punishment from the Divine? I believe we do bring "bad" things on ourselves. The question you should ask yourself is whether or not a situation or person in our lives is truly meant to bring about our misery or is there something more behind it? I believe good can come from adversity.

Ever heard the saying "You can't run away from your problems"? Ever tried to? What happened? I would be willing to bet that the problem you were trying to get away from followed you to the new place. It may be an immediate thing (ie. the same person or situation shows back up), or it may take some time before you find yourself repeating the same old familiar pattern with a new person or situation. If something keeps showing up over and over again in your life, you should pay attention to it! The universe is trying to tell you something!

Adversity is not meant to be good or bad. Adversity is a new chance for us to learn and grow. Running away from it just postpones the inevitable. Standing and facing adversity gives you a reason to look for new resources. It requires courage, determination and strength. Facing and overcoming adversity builds new muscle, new skills. You end up growing in unexpected ways. Growth would never occur if you didn't have a problem to overcome.

The next time a reoccuring problem stares you in the face, instead of blaming yourself or others and running away, stand up and face the problem head on. Ask for help. (God is a good place to start.) Believe you are strong enough to deal with the situation and help is on the way. Keep your eyes open and look for doors that open for you as you need them. You can overcome! You will grow! This is the good that comes from adversity! Embrace it!

The Missing Piece

For well over a year now, I have focused on finding my purpose in life. My goal has been to use the gifts and talents I have been given to contribute to the world in much more powerful ways than I ever have before. I would prefer to do this on a full time basis (meaning I would like to find a way to make it provide an income). At times it has seemed like a tall order. To make the situation even more interesting, I have been struggling with redefining myself in terms of new ideas and beliefs that don't always seem to mesh with my old ideas and beliefs. Just this week, I have found the piece that not only ties the old and new beliefs together, but has also led me to a clearer understanding of my purpose in life as well as a better appreciation for the gifts and talents I have been given.

This week, I was introduced to a wonderful spiritual healer named Mary A. Hall through Jennifer McLean's "Healing With the Masters" interview series. I was intrigued from the get-go because Mary was billed as someone who helped people develop abundance in their lives. As this is one of the ideas I have struggled with, I was very interested in hearing what she had to say. Her insight and wisdom truly blew me away!

To simplify my experience with Mary, Mary introduced me to Love. This being has more love for me than can be imagined. The appreciation and respect Love has for me has no limits. In Love's presence, I am beautiful, whole and perfect. In the presence of Love, there is insight and wisdom. Within this Love, abundance flows freely, guiding a person to new understandings and inspiring new actions. It is an amazing feeling. It is also something I am already intimately familiar with. I usually call it God or the Holy Spirit.

What this insight did for me was to help me understand the abundance I was looking for was already here. I just had to connect that abundance is a part of God--the part that flows in and through all things.

Mary also helped me understand that my abundance is directly related to my feelings of worthiness. When I feel less than worthy, I sabotage my own efforts at attracting the life I want. This is why that relationship with Love--with God--is so important. When you see yourself through God's eyes, you understand how much worth you truly have. This understanding prepares you to receive the blessings and abundance life has for you! You know and believe you are worthy to be blessed, and you are open to it.

As I have pondered these thoughts this week and allowed Love to open me, I have already been tremendously blessed. My clarity of thought has increased. I have been inspired to say things to people that have turned out to be amazingly accurate. I have remembered my own gifts to help others heal from hurts and sometimes physical problems, and I have recalled the God-energy involved in those past experiences. It has truly been a mind blowing week for me!

The missing piece was right there all the time. I just needed to connect it! Now that I have, I know I am called to remember the Love inside me. My purpose as a healer is to help you remember the Love that is inside you.

To take advantage of the rest of this wonderful (free) interview series, please visit http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/.

Energy Healing

My struggle with depression has been a topic in several past posts. My blog has been silent the past few months as I have attempted to deal with some very heavy personal issues. It is my desire for this blog to be uplifting and inspirational. Today, I can say I have been truly blessed in ways I never thought possible just a few short weeks ago. My life is being transformed by what I will call Energy Healing.

Coming from a very religious Christian sort of upbringing, the term Energy Healing probably sounds foreign. However, my first understandings of it are really rooted in this tradition. I grew up in a community that believed God heals through faith. In the past, I have been used as an instrument of healing for people with various physical and emotional ailments. Usually what happened was I would feel particularly inspired to pray for those people. The words seem to come to me and I always felt a curious energy not normally inside of me that seemed to radiate to the person or people I was praying for. The key word here is ENERGY. A Christian would probably call it the power of God or the power of the Holy Spirit. When it happens, it is palpable, both to me and the person I am praying for.

Within the past year, I have been made aware of a healing technique known as EFT, which stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. To give a brief understanding, it is a method of tapping on specific places on the body which are known acupunture points to clear blocked paths of energy, all the while saying key phrases that bring your emotions to the forefront. It has been used to successfully treat all kinds of ailments, including pain, phobias and many sorts of trauma. Over the course of the year, I have made use of this technique to help improve things such as mood, self-esteem, etc. often times finding tears flowing suddenly as these emotions became unblocked.

Several days ago, I was listening to an online interview done by a wonderful healer named Jennifer McLean in a series entitled "Healing With the Masters". (You can sign up to listen to these talks for FREE at http://www.healingwiththemasters.com/) This past Thursday, Jennifer interviewed Dr. Pat Carrington, a clinical psychologist who makes use of EFT in her practice. Dr. Carrington's approach to EFT was a little different than anything I had every heard before. While she uses traditional tapping points, she is able to get you back to positive emotional states by having you remember times in your life when you felt happy and in control while you are "tapping".

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to visit with an old friend from high school. Over the course of several hours, we talked and laughed about old times and caught each other up on our current lives. After I got home, it dawned on me that being with my friend brought back very positive emotions from a time when I felt happy, energetic and optimistic. I realized I could use these feelings to help bring myself back to this extremely positive way of feeling.

I am very happy to report I am well on my way to maintaining a much more positive outlook on life! I actually woke up feeling bad at 4:00 this morning. I remembered to tap using my new phrases (Even though I feel tired and stressed out, I choose to feel like I did when I was in high school--popular and winning awards). Today, I feel incredible!!! Happy, thankful, cleansing tears have flowed freely out of me today as I remember those feelings! It has been a long time since I have felt this happy!

If you are interested in using energy to heal yourself, I highly recommend the following sites:
http://www.emofree.com/ (the official EFT website--sign up for free detailed EFT instructions, support and newletters)
http://www.patclass.com/ (a site where you can find various classes and products by Dr. Carrington)
http://www.healingrelease.com/ (Jennifer McLean's healing website)

Wishing health and healing for you all!

Show Love

Show Love

When the world points out your flaws, show love.
When the world knocks you down, show love.
When the world screams false accusations at you, show love.
Every time the world attacks, show love.

Love forgives all flaws.
Love picks you up when you fall down.
Love exposes the truth.
Living love condems the attacker.

Love shines a light in the darkness.
Become the light. Show love.
          --Cindy Shippy Evans

How To Change the Political Climate

Typically my blog posts have focused on what I am doing as an individual to promote positive change in my own life. Lately, I have been highly distracted by the current political climate. To me, politics in the past couple of years has taken on a disturbing new life of its own. There has always been a practice of mudslinging. The changes I see focus more on tactics of intimidation and misinformation--fear at much higher levels. The problem with using fear tactics is that fear is the exact opposite of love. Anything that moves us away from love is just plain wrong!

On the conservative side, people are afraid we are entering a "Big Brother" era and our rights under the constitution are being slowly taken away. On the liberal side, people fear what they perceive to be violent actions on the part of "narrow-minded" conservatives. At this point, I don't see anyone on any side truly listening and trying to understand what the "other side" is saying. IF WE CONTINUE ON THIS PATH, THINGS WILL TRULY EVOLVE AWAY FROM LOVE.

Now more than ever, it is important to ask ourselves this question. WHAT CAN I DO TO PROMOTE LOVE IN THE WORLD? How can I show people I love them, even when their political ideas are the polar opposite of mine? How can I promote peace?

First of all, it is important to remember that we are all people, regardless of our beliefs. We all come from different backgrounds and have been taught different things by our families, friends, teachers and environments. Remember how these differences play into our individual ideologies. Deep down, everyone years for love and acceptance, not judgement.

Secondly, we all need to practice looking at each other with compassion. I like to see myself as looking through Jesus' eyes. I have a tendency to be a very sensitive person and can be hurt quite easily. However, when I step away from myself and see the people who have hurt me through Christ's eyes, I see a much different picture. I am able to love them anyway. Often, I am given insight into the very things that have made those people hurt me as they have. I see how they too have been hurt and are just reacting in the only ways they know.

Finally, we need to make the attitude of forgiveness a habit. Holding on to past hurts keeps us in turmoil and prevents us from moving forward. We can never affect positive change in the world under these conditions. Let the pain and animosity go!

In this time of great change, it is important to be a force for positive change! Learn to listen without judgement! Learn to reach out in love, peace and friendship! BY REACHING OUT ONE PERSON AT A TIME, WE CAN BE THAT CATALYST OF LOVE AND PEACE IN THE WORLD! We can be change! We can be hope! We can make a positive impact on the world! It is all a question of choice. What will your choice be?

The Lesson of Depression

As I work to define my purpose in life, I am often overwhelmed by depression. Lately I have come to realize that sometimes my depression is the result of my personal struggles. At other times, it results from my concern for others. Often I find myself not only sympathizing with those I care about, but empathizing with them as well. I wish so much that I could take away their pain.

At present, my best friend's husband is dying. It isn't the usual situation where she is grieving for the loss of the relationship. That took place years ago when she separated from him. Still, she is dealing with trying to help him transition to the next life as well as trying to help her children cope with the situation. She is grieving in that he was her first love. The separation that comes with death is never easy.

I just learned that another friend is having serious relationship troubles. Having been divorced myself, I know the hardships this entails for a family. My heart breaks for him, his wife and his children. I wish I could make all these problems go away.

In looking at my sadness--both my own and that of others--and how it all relates to my calling in life, I had a sudden realization. I have known for a while that I want to help others live fuller, richer, more productive lives. In this, my depression serves a much larger purpose. I have learned many lessons about coping with obstacles along the way. Pain and grief are great teachers. Pain is necessary for growth, and the reality is that taking away their pain is counterproductive. I can be there for them. I can teach them things I've learned to help them cope.

My job then becomes not so much how to get rid of the pain but how to embrace it and live with it. What can this pain do for me? As I learn to deal with the sadness, I am thankful for it because it has made me strong enough to help others with their own pain. It has blessed me with calling and purpose. Time to get to work!

Overcoming Bumps in the Road

It's been a rough few weeks for me. As I go further along on this journey of not having a "real" job, I am increasingly uncomfortable with the thought of not having money coming in. I have worked full time since being separated from my ex--roughly 12+ years. Working for other people to earn a living has been my way of life for a long time. Even though I feel as though I had God's blessing when I quit, not seeing the immediate outcome has become unnerving.

Over the past year, I have had a lot of "talks" with God about what sort of job I would like to have. In visualizing my perfect job, I had some ideas that seemed outlandish at the time. For example, while I was teaching it seemed I never had any time for myself. I would think about my job morning, noon and night because there was always something I needed to do or something to get. This was in addition to my other full time job--being a wife and mother. I told God that in my perfect job, I would have the time to read, study and think. I would be free to ponder and meditate. I would have time to seek His insights. As I added more detail to my perfect job, I realized I still wanted to be a teacher. I would just rather teach insights and coping skills to adults as opposed to teaching children their ABC's. The problem is, where do you get a job doing that? Who has a job where they have time to sit and think and study about topics they are interested in? What sort of job teaches insights and coping skills to adults? I don't want to be a counselor or a preacher. It seemed hopeless.

This hopelessness, coupled with my husband's inability to work because of severe back problems, has made me stress over money and my lack of a job. I also felt guilty, seeing how I am able-bodied. Unfortunately, I have spent the past few weeks fruitlessly worried about what was not happening.

This week, I was able to see some sun through the clouds because of a change in my husband's circumstances. Even though he continues to see doctors and visit the physical therapist because of his back issues, he has had the opportunity to begin working part time with the the possibility of working full time down the road. Together, we had prayed that God would present him with an opportunity that would give him some flexibility for doctors appointments and take his inability to sit or stand for long periods of time into consideration. We also asked that it have some meaning and purpose. The job, amazingly, fits all of these factors! It even found him!

As I realize how well God has taken care of us in the past and still continues to take care of us now, I am overwhelmed. Knowing that he took care of my husband's needs in such a powerful way helps me remember that He has me in hand also.

This morning while my husband went to his physical therapy session, I sat in a lawn chair with my feet in the grass and a book in my hand. The book was one of the personal development books I so dearly love to read and study and think about. There I was, sitting in the sunshine with the time to reflect and think about those things that are important to me. My needs were being met, and I was filled to overflowing with ideas for topics I can write about and present in my new business venture--a personal development website. All of a sudden it hit me. I was actually in the middle of working my dream job!

I knew leaving the security of a regular job would test my faith. Still, I felt called to do something different with my life. The road is bumpy and I can't see what is beyond the bend, but as I struggle to follow that road God continues to lead me step by step. I am learning to trust Him and follow His guidance. He is helping me overcome the bumps in the road.

To Leap Ahead--Forgiveness

As imperfect humans, the progress we yearn for in our lives comes to a grinding halt when we fail to forgive. Often we dwell on this hurt or that injustice to the point where we live in worlds of bitterness and pain. This week has been particularly difficult for me as I struggle to let go of the unforgiveness which has kept me from following my call to serve others.

My biggest struggle to forgive centers on Christianity in general and the church I was raised in more specifically. I hear a lot of "Christians" out there spouting ideas about following Jesus' example. Do good works. Love your fellow man. Turn the other cheek. Serve others. They are all brilliant, worthwhile endeavors. The part I have a problem with is when "Christians" talk up these ideas but don't put them into practice. I see so many "Christians" lie, back-bite, cheat, judge, hate, etc. it appalls me. Many people are so turned off by the hypocrisy they refuse to even listen to the good in the message. While I am by no means perfect, I would much rather preach through my actions than through my words.

Because of unforgiveness, I have allowed the church I grew up in to hurt me to the point of leaving it even though I still feel God's call to stay there and serve. I use as my excuse the idea I am not spiritually fed there. I argue I can be blessed more in my quiet time with God than in all the hours I spend at church. Church is a waste of time. The reality is these are bogus arguments. In point of fact, I know how to have a relationship with God, and I hear Him calling me to help others find the way back.

Over time, I have let specific hurts involving my church pile up. I attended my church sponsored college and saw much hypocrisy there. I worked as a tour guide at church historic sites several summers and witnessed non-loving actions taken by church leaders. I heard stories about church leaders dealing with dissenters in petty and careless ways, not from the people they hurt but from other leaders who questioned the actions but said nothing. I felt judged by a church bigwig when she asked why I still attended church when I was not fed by it. My answer was I still felt called by God to be there,but she didn't take the time to listen to or comprehend that concept. More recently, I felt some of my service called into question, not because of anything I did but because of choices made by others. I felt as though any good I had done was tainted and unworthy.

What it all boils down to is this: unforgiveness keeps us focused on the past. Holding on to these hurts only leads to stagnation and ultimately disease. We have to be able to let go of the past in order to attend to the actions necessary for today. My choice is clear. I choose to let it all go so that I may forge ahead.

Living In the Now

I am a planner. I enjoy thinking about what I want in life in order to plan what direction to move in. Knowing where I want to go keeps me calm. The underlying thought is, "If I am moving I should arrive at my destination eventually." Sitting still makes me nervous. If I sit still too long I begin to worry bad things will happen. As my imagination is very fertile, these types of thoughts can overwhelm and depress me. It occurs to me that my answer to being happy lies in my ability to live in the now.

My normal thought processes run something like this: I want to be a published author, an inspirational speaker, and life coach. Once I have come to this conclusion, my next step is to ask myself how I can logically get there. First, I have to write something. Then I have to find someone willing to publish it. I also need to polish my resume and start to work on materials that I can use to teach people those things I would like to help them learn. Anyway, you get the idea.

My depression comes when my logic finds flaws in my plans. For example, my logic tells me that it often takes people years before they are able to find someone willing to publish what they write. Consequently, this is not a good way to make immediate income. My logic also tells me that I have no experience teaching groups of people (other than my tour guiding experience and some classroom and church school instruction). Who would take me seriously? Who would value what I have to teach? These are honestly the sorts of ideas that run through my head when I try to make plans. Is it any wonder that I get overwhelmed?

The only place I am free of all those negative thoughts is right here, right now. In the now, I am comfortable. My needs are provided for. God is with me, in the silence. He is taking care of me. I am listening. I am trusting Him to inspire me if there is something I truly need to do now. He knows the desires of my heart. I believe He wants to bless me. God can truly see all the things I can't. He can make a way where there seems to be no way. In the now, I trust Him to lead the way.

The bible says much this same thing. From Matthew 6:31-34 (KJV) comes this message:
Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Simply stated, our Heavenly Parent knows our needs. He supplies all the necessities of life when we need them. If we seek to find His will--His kingdom, He will supply the rest.

When I am in the now, I am waiting for His inspiration and guidance. When I am in the now, I don't have to trust in my flawed self. When I am in the now, I am the protected child of a Heavenly Parent. I am content, and that is all I need to be.

Seek Ye First

As much as I am a fan of ideas like The Secret and the Law of Attraction, after conversations with my husband and a friend within the past few days I am increasingly aware of the pitfalls associated with these beliefs. The problem is not with the ideas themselves but in peoples' interpretations of them. Many people seem so focused on the outcome that they do not see the path to get there. Consequently, their vision is clouded so much by what they want that they do not see what is their responsibility to give. The bible is very clear on this principle. "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matt. 6:33)

Look at some of my favorite self-help gurus. Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, and Jack Canfield are very successful financially. They all write popular books, are sought out lecturers, and present enlightening workshops. They live in expensive homes and travel around the world. It's a glamorous sort of lifestyle to be sure, and everybody and their brother would like to live under similar circumstances. The thing is, people focus on what these three have now. They do not think about what it took to get there!

Take Wayne Dyer. He knew he had a spiritual message he needed to get out to the world. He plugged away for years on his own--buying his own books and selling them on the road, doing interview after interview, before his connection with the public was made. The point is, he made a conscious decision to contribute to the world first. It wasn't all about him.

Again, Cheryl Richardson became a life coach in an effort to help her fellow humans. Her books and subsequent workshops and lectures were the result of wanting to spread her message of hope, healing and spirituality to a wider audience.

Then there is Jack Canfield, one of the Chicken Soup For the Soul guys. While being interviewed for The Secret, he talked about having that financial goal. However, he did not stop there. He looked for inspiration to come on how he could contribute to the world. He said it took about a month for the inspiration to come, but when it did things happened quickly. Pieces fell into place and things began happening as he made his mark on the world.

The point is, there is always an action involved--not just the thought or belief. The inspiration for the action is also important. This is what I will call the "God component". In order to receive that inspiration you have to be plugged in to the Source. Otherwise, you could be spinning your wheels for years without anything to show for it. If you are truly seeking out where your gifts lie and listen to inspiration on how to use them, you will be in tune with your place in the universe.

Don't worry about the outcome. Trust that God has your back! Listen to that inspiration as it comes! Trust that when you seek His kingdom first, all His blessings will follow.

Signposts Found!

I am not a patient person. Even though I feel I've received the go ahead from my Source to rest for a while, it hasn't been easy to do. I'm still looking for signposts to indicate my direction in life. Yesterday was a banner day for signposts! I'm rather in awe of it!

Let's start with the second signpost. One of my favorite self-help gurus is Dr. Wayne Dyer. Over the years, books like The Power of Intention, You'll See It When You Believe It, and Manifesting Your Destiny have helped mold some of my beliefs. He recently came out with a book called Excuses Begone. As I receive Dr. Dyer's online newsletter, I have been aware of this new book as well as a new PBS special based on it for quite some time. I missed the program when it came out last weekend on my local station (or was way too tired to stay up for it). Coincidentally, I found out it was playing this weekend on the other Georgia public television station I get on my cable. The weird part about the whole thing was I had made a mental note to watch it at 7:00pm on Saturday night. Most of the time, my making a mental note of something has absolutely no impact on my actually doing it. I forget anyway. Yesterday afternoon, I managed to find a movie on SciFi that intrigued me, so I watched it to its conclusion. I began channel hopping again hoping to find something else. Then I looked at the clock, which read 7:00. Somehow, my 43-yr-old brain made the connection that there was a program I wanted to watch--Dr. Dyer!

I enjoyed listening to his perspective on the excuses we use to keep us from following our life's purpose. He talked about obstacles such as "I can't afford it", "I'm too busy", "It will take a long time" and "It's too risky" that we use every day to limit what we do. (These happen to be the excuses I personally use.There are others.) As Dr. Dyer continued to talk, I realized that this whole process I am involved in (quitting my job and trying to find my true purpose in life) is my attempt at giving up the excuses that have imprisoned me for so long! By quitting my 24/7 teaching job, I got rid of the "I'm too busy" excuse. As I listen to God's voice telling me it will be okay, I stopped listening to the "I can't afford it" excuse. Anyway, you get the idea. As I watched the program, one idea became clear. "You are on the right path now, Cindy. Stay the course!" The TV program was a signpost!

The first signpost of the day was actually more profound, and much more focused on my life's calling. Several days ago, I was inspired by an idea for a children's picture book. A reoccurring phrase came to me, followed by tons of different thoughts that all fit this central theme. As the words flowed into my head (and I assure you they did flow as nothing in my writing has ever done before), it occurred to me that not only was it possible to make a book out of it, but if I worked it right I could make a whole series of children's books out of it! The possibilities excited me as I sat to write some of these thoughts down. Friday evening I actually typed some of them out on the computer. Saturday morning, I opened an email from my mom. As I watched the PowerPoint presentation from the email, I realized it was a signpost! The subject of the PowerPoint was the subject of my book! Even though it was not expressed like my book is starting to shape up, I got goosebumps as I realized that the subject matter is indeed relevant to people today. As I do not believe in coincidences, I knew this was indeed a signpost!

I don't claim to have all the answers for my life. The future is very blurry, and I still have no idea what lies down the road. I do believe it is time for me to write these stories down. I doesn't necessarily mean they will be immediately published and income had. My experience has taught me not to try to anticipate God's plans for my life. Nothing ever happens like I imagine it. The stories will be published in God's time and in His way. I just know it is time for me to write them. I found the signpost.

Clearing Out the Clutter

I finally began a job I should have started a long time ago. I'm sorting through all the junk in my living room in an effort to make it feel more livable again. The hardest part is not the cleaning but the determining what I need to keep and what to throw/donate/give away. There is just too much stuff for the available space. Even when I clean the room, it still looks messy. No more! Just like I am cleaning out the emotional/mental/spiritual baggage I carry I also need to clean out the physical baggage. The living room is just the first step. I truly need to do all the other rooms in my home as well.

Having too much stuff has many drawbacks. First of all is the guilt factor. My difficulty in throwing things away is thinking that I may need the item again someday, and I don't want to have to buy a new one. Waste! Waste! Waste! Maybe I wouldn't have this big of a problem if I more accurately judged what I really needed in this first place.

Another problem clutter brings is the inability to find things you really do need to use. I know I left that book in the stack of books by my bed, but by the time I actually find the one I want I have already wasted a lot of time. Then there are the times when my memory is very faulty and I look for something in the wrong place. This leads to looking in several other locations. Consequently, a great deal more time is wasted, and sometimes I still don't find the item I need!

Like physical clutter, emotional/mental/spiritual clutter has the ability the waste our time and energy. Finding the peace and calm we need to recenter ourselves is hard to do when the business of our lives gets in the way. We find ourselves working, doing chores, chauffeuring our children to their activities, attending meetings, surfing the web, etc. at breakneck speeds. It's amazing we aren't all suffering nervous breakdowns!

Somewhere, there needs to be a balance. I am working on trying to balance mine. I don't claim to have all the answers, but I do know God has given me the time I need to sort out not only the physical clutter, but the emotional/mental/spiritual clutter as well. My purpose in life should be much more clear when I am no longer distracted by all that is unnecessary.

Resting In the Arms of God

I finished reading Cheryl Richardson's book The Unmistakable Touch of Grace: How to Recognize and Respond to the Spiritual Signposts in Your Life this morning, and I have to confess it moved me to tears. The tears flowed because I realized how much God's hand has touched my life. As I look back, I remember all the times solutions appeared, doors opened and opportunities presented themselves, and I can see the Hand of God in each and every one of them. God provided everything I ever needed in a very timely manner. He never let me down--even when I failed to acknowledge His control of the situation.

I find myself waiting--waiting for the signposts that will guide me toward the next phase of my life. Like a horse behind the gate before the big race, I feel the need to push on ahead even though it is not quite time for the race to start. Nervousness and anxiety fill my thoughts as I try to anticipate what my future will hold. The signposts do not appear.

What do appear are thoughts. It is time for you to rest. It is time for you to fill yourself back up. Don't worry. I will provide for you when you have need. Like the scripture from Matthew 6:31-34

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Admitting I don't have a gameplan is difficult. It sounds crazy to say, "I have no idea exactly what I'm going to do with my life." It sounds even crazier to admit I am not even actively seeking a job. Still I have to trust my guidance, and my guidance tells me to have patience and rest. I am still aware. I am still watching. I am trusting that the right door will open at the right time and I will walk through it.

Right now, my job is to rest and renew. I am resting in the arms of God. I am right where I belong.

Gratitude Attitude

My job has been over a little more than a week now, and I have to confess my time off has been great! Already I feel miles away from my old life of anxiety and worry. My quiet/meditation time improves daily. I feel my connection to God and to the world. I sense my talents and gifts, and every day I am inspired to find new and creative ways to use them. My once empty cup is now filling at a rapid pace, and I am full of gratitude.

The knowledge of this gratitude really hit me this afternoon. It was so beautiful in Georgia today! The sky was blue with fluffy clouds floating by. The air was warm but there was a wonderful breeze which kept everything feeling cool. Shea and I drove two hours in the sunshine to Columbus, Georgia for a soccer game. Country drives are always wonderful, and there are plenty of wide open spaces between Atlanta and Columbus. I felt happy to be alive, and it has been a long while since I have felt that.

Shea's soccer games have a tendency to fill me with fear. I guess it's because I want him to do well. He has a real talent when it comes to playing soccer. I would like to see him get some sort of scholarship out of it--I believe he is good enough. (Yes, I am a prejudiced mother, but his coaches seem to like him too judging by the fact that he usually plays entire games.) The fear comes when I dwell too much on the outcome. My head tells me they need to win for Shea to be noticed. Then I get upset when they lose. The fact of the matter is, my fear comes when I attempt to control a situation I have no power to control.

Today was a better day. I was able to remember that everything is really in God's hands. It is not for me to decided what happens in Shea's life. After all, God was the one that got Shea where he is today in his soccer career. The only thing I did was listen to God's nudging when He told me to let Shea try out for the travel team in the first place. (Okay, I guess I am also responsible for getting Shea to his games!) I'm sure God knows where Shea needs to be in his life, and God's ways and timing are always perfect. I need to be patient and wait for the blessings I know will come to Shea. As I sat at the soccer game today, I was happy because I know God will make a way regardless of the outcome of today's game.

What is truly amazing to me is all the gratitude I am able to feel! I know I am blessed. I know I am treasured. I know I am loved. I know that my life and the lives of my family will turn out for the best because I know who is really in control and that He wants us all to be happy. I am trusting my Source. I have that "Gratitude Attitude". I am rich beyond measure.

Preparing For Rain

Atlanta has been in a drought for the past couple of years. My life also has been in drought as I struggle to find some direction and purpose in life. Lately, Georgia has received enough rain for Lake Lanier, the main source of water for metropolitan Atlanta, to fill back up to almost normal levels. As I search for purpose and get closer to Source, I feel a little of that life-giving water misting on me. I know I need to prepare for rain.


In the movie Facing the Giants, coach Grant Taylor's life has hit rock bottom. He prays to God to show him the direction he needs to take in his life. Enter Mr. Bridges, a deeply spiritual man who has been praying for years that revival hit the small Christian school. Mr. Bridges quotes from Revelation 3:8. "I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name." He goes on to tell the coach God wants him to bloom where he has been planted. When Coach Grant confesses he has been struggling in his life and is unsure about what to do, Mr. Bridges shares a story of two farmers struggling with drought. Both pray for rain, but only one farmer prepares his fields for the blessing. Mr. Bridges leaves Coach Taylor with the question, "Which farmer do you think receives the rain?"


The point is, a person can have faith that something can happen. He might even believe that it will happen. However, if he does not follow it up with action, any rain that comes will not have the same impact. The blessings will not be as great, and much time will be wasted.


I need to prepare for rain. I have asked for God's direction and blessings in my life and I fully expect Him to come through. Now I need to make myself ready for the challenges this rain will bring me.


First of all, I need to prepare a new resume. I need to highlight all the experience I have working with people--teaching, guiding, directing. I need to be able to show the right employer why I would be perfect for such a job.

I also need to get my materials ready. For example, one of my areas of expertise is how to love other people. I do my best to show this love through everything I do. While I am by no means perfect at it and have times when I fall, I know that I can help people learn to bring more of it into their own lives. I can give them ideas to ponder and hopefully the fuel they need to remake and re-engergize themselves into something better. My goal is to start working on my materials so that when the opportunity presents itself I am ready to go.


I am believing my guidance. I will be prepared when God blesses me with rain.

The Search For Signposts

The past few days have been hard for me--so hard I can't even write about them, but as I continue to read Cheryl Richardson's book The Unmistakable Touch of Grace: How to Recognize and Respond to the Spiritual Signposts in Your Life, I am amazed at all the signposts that have entered my life in the past. Most of the time they seem to come and go with very minimal thought involved. However, those signposts are most definitely there.

Take my search for the perfect job. Over a year ago I read a book by Jack Canfield called Jack Canfield's Key to Living the Law of Attraction: A Simple Guide to Creating the Life of Your Dreams. What I liked best about the book is it had me work through several exercises which made me focus on where my biggest joys have come from and where my talents lay.

My biggest joys have come from three main areas in my life: my family (raising my children), writing, and teaching/leading. As my children are all teenagers now, they are quite independent and do not require much from me. BC (before children), I received recognition for some of my writing. I won a few school awards in grade school, always did well on my papers and was often told that my notes and letters were beautifully written. Then there was my other hidden talent--teaching/leading. While still in high school, I volunteered at many camps and ended up being a campfire leader at several of them. I enjoyed this tremendously, and I even got this great compliment from a lady who had literally helped write the campfire leaders manual for my church. In addition, I spent several summers during college working as a tour guide at a couple of church historic sites. I thoroughly enjoyed interacting with other people and sharing my knowledge with them. Here too, I received positive feedback. The first summer I guided, I received college credit for a class on historic interpretation. Consequently, my professor went on several of my tours and always had great positive feedback for me. Guests on my tours also responded with enjoyment and appreciation. Tour guiding is by far the best job I have ever had.

Looking back, I see my campfire and tour guide experiences as signposts. I enjoyed sharing my knowledge and interacting with the crowd. I received so much positive feedback. I was motivated and energized, and I have never felt so alive. Once my desire was in place, there did not seem to be any obstacles in my path. Doors opened up. These were definitely times in my life when I was doing what I was called to do.

There is one more element that I did not even recognize about these experiences until today. Both campfire leadership and tour guiding come with what I would call spiritual components. Campfires are designed to lead attendees from a place of fun to a place of contemplation and connection with Source (God). Tours lend themselves to reflection on what we can learn from the past to make our futures better.

There have been more recent signposts indicating my need for change. I have become increasingly frustrated at work. Even though I typically receive positive feedback from the parents of the children I teach, I usually feel like a fraud. My education is not in teaching, and when I compare myself to other teachers I feel there is so much more I could have done or should have done. Also, by the end of each school year I am usually so burnt out I feel like wringing most of my students little necks. Lately, I feel that way at the beginning of the school year as well--not a good sign.

What I can honestly see myself doing is becoming a motivational speaker and life coach. I really enjoy encouraging others to be the best people they can be. I want to help people learn, grow and expand their way of thinking. I desire to help them challenge their limiting beliefs and overcome obstacles. Working one-on-one or with a crowd is not a problem. In fact, I enjoy the challenges of a crowd.

I have told God I am open to His direction. I want to use the talents and gifts He has given me. I just need to see His signposts along the way. Whatever they are, I will follow.

Signposts Along the Way

I chose to browse a bookstore this morning while Shea, my oldest son, was at soccer practice. As I continue to search for answers in my life, I decided to go with an approach that has worked for me in the past. I say a little prayer while I'm browsing to help me find something that will inspire or guide me. While there were many books that appealed to me, the one that struck a chord is one by author Cheryl Richardson called The Unmistakable Touch of Grace: How to Recognize and Respond to the Spiritual Signposts in Your Life.

The book is all about learning to recognize what Ms. Richardson calls "the spiritual signposts in your life." Many people would call these things coincidences, but she believes these are really things that happen to you to help call your attention to the direction you are supposed to go in. The book is a collection of experiences--both her own and those of other people she knows--illustrating how recognizing these signs has the power to change your direction in life for the better. I have believed in this concept for years, but with all the confusion in my life right now I had forgotten the principle. This book is helping me remember, and for that I am very grateful. I'd say the book is truly one of my signposts to get me back on track.

As I look back on my life, I can see some of the signposts that led me to where I am today. My job teaching young children was the result of several things that happened at a time of great struggle in my life. I had been a stay-at-home mom with three very young children when the bottom dropped out of my marriage. The kids and I came to Georgia to live with my parents. I eventually filed for divorce, but I had no real job prospects or even ambitions at that point. After working in a group home with children who had been abused and neglected, it was important for me to raise my children myself. My parents were okay with us staying with them and letting me continue to raise my kids.

Then my divorce attorney told me I needed to find a job. The judge that had been assigned my case was a man who had been married and divorced several times and had several children he was paying child support on from these marriages. The lawyer said this judge would never understand me living with my parents just so I could raise my kids.

At the time, my children were ages 5, 3 and 1. I had a BA in psychology, which did not allow me to do anything in my field but the most low-paying, high stress jobs. I was at a loss to find a job that would allow me to pay the daycare costs on three young children and have anything left over to live on. I refused to pay my entire salary so that someone else could raise my children.

As I pondered what to do, my son's Pre K teacher asked how the divorce was going. I ended up breaking down and telling her about the judge and my need for a job. She piped up, "Why don't you apply to work here? I think one of the benefits is free childcare." Georgia Pre K classrooms are typically within daycares settings. Once she convinced me to consider it, she went to the director and asked. Within a week I was offered a job. The pay wasn't great, but the free childcare more than made up for it.

In the years since, I went from being a cook to an after-school teacher, to assistant and lead teacher positions. For the past several years (thanks to a few more signposts and some divine intervention passing the Praxis II) I managed to snag a position as a lead Georgia Pre K teacher, which pays much better than a normal daycare teacher. God has truly blessed me over the years.

All this leads me to the present. My children no longer need daycare (haven't for years), and I am really burnt out on teaching. Punching a time clock has no allure for me. I find myself dusting off dreams that have been buried for a long time. Do I have time for them? Is it even possible? I don't know the answers to those questions, but I do know I need to find out.

Ms. Richardson reminds me to look for those signposts--those coincidences in my life that indicate my direction to go. I have told God I am ready to surrender to those things He shows me. The adventure comes in waiting to see what my signposts will be along the way.

Facing My Giants

Last night, I spent the evening with my extended family watching the movie Facing the Giants. For those of you not familiar with the movie, it's a faith-based film loosely illustrating the David and Goliath story using a losing high school football team to show what faith can accomplish. As far as storylines go it could be considered highly sappy, but on a spiritual level it once again spoke to me in unexpected ways.

What spoke to me this time was the idea of placing your trust in God and letting Him work out the details. Grant Taylor, the main character in the story, finds himself losing in every area of his life. He's a broken man without much hope. When he realizes that he can do no more on his own strength, Grant is finally ready to let go and let God. As Grant continues to study, pray and ask for guidance, he comes up with a new strategy for his football team (which also happens to be a good approach to life in general). It's simple really--give your best in everything you do and trust that God is going to bless your effort. From that moment on, things change for Grant. Miracles even occur.

To a realist, the movie would seem hokey at worst and a little too optimistic at best. However, I know from past experience that miracles can happen when you place your trust in Him. I believe the movie was God's way of prompting me to remember all the times He has worked things out for me when I believed they were hopeless. It was His way of redirecting my focus.

I find myself asking, "What are my giants? What are the things in my life I need to overcome?" The first and most overwhelming thing on my list is no longer having a job. I have been so burnt out on teaching. Even though there are aspects I enjoy, it's time-consuming nature has taken it's toll. I don't feel I am able to take care of my family as well as I would like, and none of it leaves me time to fulfil my dream of writing. I think of all the time it takes writers to make a living at their craft. Many are not even able to support themselves on their writing efforts alone. Still, after many long conversations with God where I detailed all my pain and my desire to be free of it, I've heard Him tell me that I could quit my job and to trust Him to help me meet my needs.

I have other giants as well. I cannot stand my house. It's a three bedroom/two bath trailer that was fine when I was a single mom and my children were small. Now that I am remarried and my children are all teenagers it is a tight fit. It's also ugly, cramped and dirty (conditions not helped by my reoccuring bouts of depression). I never invite people over anymore because I am embarrassed over how things look.

My daughter is out of control. Yes, she will be 16 tomorrow, and yes, she has been diagnosed with ADHD, but I am convinced there is much more to it than that. She gets into these rages when told no where the anger seems to perpetuate itself until something intervenes to distract her from the subject that set her off in the first place. When this happens, she is without any type of rational thought--it is pure emotion. She does go through periods of depression, which is why I took her to the psychiatrist in the first place. Prior to that, I had her in weekly counseling sessions for almost a year. I loved the counselor and what she did, but it had no impact on my daughter. I worked as a residence counselor in a group home for emotionally disturbed children for almost three years, and I've spent another twelve years working with children in daycare/teaching settings. Her behavior is not normal. I am in the process of finding another psychiatrist for her because her current one thinks her behavior is all my fault.

Sometimes, my giants seems so overwhelming. It can be so hard to find the strength to stand up to them. I often feel afraid and alone. Still, when I take the time to listen to God in the quietest reaches of my heart, He speaks to me. He tells me I am not alone and that I need to trust Him to take care of my needs. With Him at my side, how can I fail?

The Reality of Freedom

It's official. I'm totally free of a job. I'm also totally free of a plan. Today did not go quite the way I envisioned it originally.

I spent the morning reviewing the web (okay, it more or less amounted to surfing). By the time I realized I really didn't have anything good to serve the family for lunch, it was almost 1:00. I ran to the grocery store for something to fix and made lunch in record time. I was planning on taking my youngest son over to his dad's house so he could visit with his half sister before I had to take my older son to his soccer game. That's when I discovered my older son had no soccer socks to go with his uniforms! Consequently, we had to rush to the soccer store before the game and I had no time to take my younger son to his dad's as I had promised. The bottom line is, some of my time crunch was my own fault. Some of it was because of my kids (my oldest son should have admitted he didn't have socks much earlier than right before the game).

I know I need to organize my time much better. I will never accomplish all the things I want to get done without a game plan.

I definitely need to be more deliberate with my quiet/meditation time. Reconnecting with the Source (God) is a number one priority right now. I did try to listen to a mediation recording on my iPod while I was waiting for the soccer game to begin, but the noise and sights of the game already in progress distracted my poor little ADD brain. Tomorrow I will need to deliberately set aside time to listen to the silence for direction and answers. This may mean getting up extra early tomorrow as I have two soccer games to attend.

Now that I have time, I also need to plan things like my family's meals and my personal exercise time better. That way, those priorities won't become afterthoughts. As far as how I will spend the rest of the hours in my day, I'm leaving that up to inspiration (the Source). This is why my quiet time is so high on my priorities list.

I guess even freedom has a cost. If you aren't self-motivated, you will never accomplish what you want in life. I might be free from the confines of a normal job, but now I am also free to waste time as I choose. Not a good choice in my opinion. I owe it to myself to become everything I can be. Building good habits now will help me in the long run. I need to be willing to pay the price for my freedom. Freedom really isn't free, is it?

Freedom

After months of planning and anticipation, I walked off the job today. I have to confess, I felt no regret. I just felt relieved and very free. It's a curious sensation for me. I seem to stay in a constant state of nervousness and anxiety most days. You would think that with no job lined up and nothing specific to earn money in the works I would be in full panic mode. Wonder of wonders, I feel none of those things.

I do feel treasured. I feel this way because I really believe the world is opening up a very new and beautiful reality for me. I have asked for this new reality for a long time, but up to this point and have lacked the faith to boldly step out and take the actions necessary to get there. Now I KNOW it is my turn--my time.

I have this old college friend--Dave. In many ways he is an inspiration to me. Even though he majored in business, his real love is music. He was part of some bands, and it seemed as though he was always playing his guitar and performing for people. After college, he moved to Nashville to pursue his dream of being in the music business.

I have kept up with him some since college. At one point, I got to see him when he was the stage manager for an up and coming country singer and had toured with the Judds. A few years later he was part of a band touring with Christian rock singer Carmen. I'm not sure exactly what he's doing right now, but I know he is still based in Nashville chasing his music dreams.

What is truly inspirational to me is how God takes care of Dave. Even though he doesn't have the comfort of a regular 9-to-5 sort of job with regular pay, his needs are provided for. Dave lives his life on his own terms and enjoys what he does. Dave is free from the ideas that tie most people down to a life of drudgery and boredom.

Now I'm free. I'm not sure what life has in store for me, but the possibilities are endless. I am trusting that God is providing for me and will meet all my needs as they come up. I am trusting that my gifts and talents can now be utilized to their fullest potential. I am trusting that I am finally free to come into my inheritance. I am blessed.

Sweeping the Dust

I spent the day cleaning out my classroom and helping my employer rearrange major pieces of furniture. It was quite exhausting (I have to admit I am sadly out of shape), but at the same time it was also exhilerating. There is something very rewarding about clearing out the dirt and grime and making a fresh start. Granted, the room won't be mine in the coming school year, but it feels good to know that the new teacher will come into something fresh.

Part of my job today was to help my boss pull up some old, nasty carpeting. The dust that accumulated under it could almost have filled up the room's sand table. (It made me wonder just how long that carpet had been there.) As I swept up the dirt, a sudden feeling of elation swept over me. The actions felt like a metaphor for my life--I was ridding myself of the dirt that had accummulated in my life and making room for something much more beautiful.

I still don't know exactly what I'm going to do with my life. I know my ultimate goal is to be a writer, but there are a few things I might also like to do along the way that would use other talents I have and add value to the world. I do know it is my time to try.

I am going to start by taking care of myself--physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I'm going to eat better, take daily walks, and most importantly take time to listen. I need to reconnect with my Source (which I usually call God). I believe He has been there. My life has just been so crazy lately that I can't hear Him clearly. Hopefully, when I take the time to be silent, I will hear Him leading me.

This is my chance to clear out the dirt of my life, and I am taking full advantage of it. I have already asked. He has said, "Seek and ye shall find. Knock and it shall be opened. Ask and ye shall receive." In the next few months, I am fully expecting to find His answer for my life, and I am finally willing to walk through those doors He opens for me.

Leap of Faith

The Law of Attraction has intrigued me since the first time I watched The Secret (Extended Edition) by Rhonda Byrnes. Somehow, the idea that we are in control of our own destinies through the thoughts we think rings true for me. Based on the popularity of authors like Wayne Dyer, Jack Canfield, and Jerry and Esther Hicks, the idea stikes a powerful chord in many other people as well.
While I have believed in the Law of Attraction concept for years, I will be the first to admit I have not attracted everything I want into my life. My relationships with family and friends are good. I believe I have attained some level of spiritual awareness and have a relationship with God. I have even achieved some level of career success even though it is in an area I fell into instead of actively pursued. Still, I have many goals left unreached. It seems as though life and the ever-present need for money to live it has gotten in the way.
At present, I am the mother of three busy teenaged children, two of whom are special needs (one has a reading disability, the other is ADHD). I spent over ten years as a single mom (with a lot of help from my own mother) and only recently remarried a really nice man who treats the children and I very well. I have been working as the lead teacher in a Georgia Pre K classroom for the past four years, and I worked as a daycare teacher for eight years before that. My only other "real" job was right after I graduated from college with a BA in psychology. I worked almost three years as a residential counselor in a group home for emotionally disturbed children. The endless routine of working full time, chauferring my children around to their various activities, and running a household has taken its toll on me. I am emotionally drained and exhausted.
I look at my life and realize there is so much more I want to do--so much more I want to accomplish! The whirlwind that is my life is not allowing me any time to do it! Even though teaching does bring some rewards, it is not my all-consuming passion. Coupled with the fact that it does not allow me the time I need to take care of myself or my family well, teaching does not feel like a good choice for me at present. The past year has been especially bad for me as I struggle with depression, anxiety and nervousness from the weight of it all.
I realize this is no way to live. I have prayed endlessly to God about what I do want. I want to have time to take care of myself and my family. I want to be financially independent. I want to write. I want to motivate others to change what they don't like about themselves and live lives of empowerment. I want to be free of the chains that have bound me--chains I know I have placed on myself.
Lately in my meditation when I have taken the time to listen to the silence, I have felt a response to my ever questioning need--GO FOR IT! MAKE THE CHANGE! It is a calm, reassuring voice, and from past experience it is a voice I know I can trust. It has always proven reliable in the past.
It is a leap of faith. The only thing I've known and really trusted to bring me the income I need to live on is a regular 9 to 5 sort of job. The thought of having the rely on myself scares me to death. I question whether or not I have the ability to stay with it and thrive. Still, I know I have to try.
This blog is my journey. It is time for me to break out of that cocoon I have placed around myself and wake up to the world of possibilities and dreams. Time for me to fly. It's time for you to fly too.